Needle, Meet Haystack

Waaaaaaayyyyy back in the old days of yore, when I was but a young man still in school, drafting my first resume as part of an English class assignment, I remember my teacher telling us something like, “Make sure that your objective section at the top is clear and concise.  It’s one of the most important parts of the resume.”

Now I can safely say that that piece of knowledge is about as true as George Washington and the cherry tree, most of the Christopher Columbus stuff, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and good Steven Seagal movies besides Under Siege.

When you think about it, the “objectives” section is less useful than Truck Nutz.  What’s your objective?  Oh, yeah: TO GET HIRED FOR THE JOB YOU’RE APPLYING FOR.  The objective(s) section is a pointless space-filler, and it’s almost condescending to whoever will look at your resume if you keep it on there.

So take that crap off your resume and add some more stuff to a past job description or the skills section.  Something that might actually help you get a job.

We have become a desk-based society.

Whether it’s sitting at a desk for work, using a desk to type a resume, or, um, okay, those are really the main reasons for using a desk, and I actually can’t think of many more.  But still, thanks to computers, we use desks a lot.

Sitting at the desk, hunched over, staring at a bright LED monitor for hours at a time is no good.  So, I’m stealing some links I found on Lifehacker to help you benefit from clearer vision, more relaxed hands, and better posture (among other things).  So let’s get to exercisin’!

I’m sorry about this, guys.  He hears me say “exercise” and has to be included as a picture in the post.  Here’s the real stuff:

Exercising your back and chest at the office

A program that forces you to take a break (saving your eyes and giving you a chance to do some of these stretches)

So I usually do pretty well at interviews.  Usually.

But every once in a while, you hit the question that trips you up.  You start rambling, get off-topic, and move so far away from the job and original question that you’re talking about your second grade girlfriend or your fancy dinner party last week or your love of monocles.

Okay, maybe those weren’t the best examples.

And sometimes, you’ll get flustered and flummoxed to the degree that you stutter and babble an incoherent string of words that barely makes any sense.  Oh no! You think.  What will I do?

After trying everything from making a bad joke to cover my butt to going on a long-winded metaphor that relates what I said to what I “really” meant to sitting through two of the most painful moments of my life, I’ve tried a lot of things.  But the best one?

Fess up.

It’s natural to be nervous during an interview.  Your heart is pounding, your palms are sweating (like that Eminem song!), and you just want things to be over with.  You’re not comfortable.

So admit it.

You can attempt to diffuse the situation with humor, but a better bet is to say something slightly vulnerable while answering the question in a more satisfactory manner.  But the best way to prevent this from happening is to relax and take your time.  If the question trips you up, take longer pauses between words, but don’t stretch them out while you think of an answer.  Repeating the question in sentence form is a good idea also.  If done right, it makes you look thoughtful.  Not to mention that answering right away might give off a signal that you don’t give much consideration for what you say or how you go about saying it.  Take this old chestnut (complete with stage notes!):

INTERVIEWER: So, why do you think you’re right for this position?

Interviewee panics a bit, but then calms down and takes a brief pause.

INTERVIEWEE: Well, (pause) I am right for this position because (whatever reason goes here, taking occasional short pauses between points)

You don’t need to rush through an interview, and it’s better not to.  Take your time, try to relax, and if you start tasting your shoe, calm down and reconsider your approach.

Sometimes, you may come across a job posting that has a deadline by which you must apply.  Today’s question deals with why those deadlines are there.

Dear Andrew,

Are deadlines on job postings really that important?  I found a great job online, but the deadline is already passed.  Should I still apply?

Short answer: Apply if you want, but it’s probably too late (sorry!).

Longer answer: Companies attach deadlines to job postings for any number of reasons.   Some of those that I’ve heard before are:

• It’s a short-term position (so filling it when there’s only three weeks left is a bit silly)
• The job they initially need you for has a deadline (so they need it filled quickly for RIGHT NOW but will keep you on)
• They have someone in mind that they will promote internally but some company/industry/government regulation requires the position to be open to everybody (but for how long is not specified)
• The company wants to limit the number of applicants
• The company has several jobs in different departments with similar competencies required of them, and does not want overlap, so they have separated job posting availabilities to help human resources out
• It’s a part of a test on meeting deadlines and following instructions

But no matter what reason it really is, chances are that the hiring manager(s) will only look at applications filed before the due date.  They might look at yours, but don’t expect too much.  But if they don’t fill the position, they might re-post it again in a few weeks and you could get another chance!

Let’s do the twist!

Okay, we’re not going to actually do the twist.  You see, today we’re focusing on something that a few different experts have called the “Belly Button Rule,” but since I don’t know if that term is copywritten, I figured I’d save it for the actual post.

Anyway, this rule is simple: you point (twist) your torso (belly button*) towards things and people that you like, and away from things that you don’t like.

But how does this simple rule apply to job stuff?

Good question, hypothetical audience member!  Basically, you want to make sure that your belly button, and the bellybutton(s) of your interviewer(s) are on the same wavelength.  This way, they know that you’re interested in the job, and you know that they’re interested in what you have to say.  HOWEVER:

• If your belly button is pushed forward (not due to the size of your belly, but by projecting it out), that’s a sign of interest in a more…physical manner.  Try to avoid it.
• If your belly button is pushed back (once again due to your posture or position, not belly size), that’s a sign of a lack of sincere interest.  Avoid this one too.

So what you want to do is keep your posture correct, relax your bellybutton so it isn’t over- or under-pronounced, and go about your interview/meeting/work day normally.  And remember, it’s not polite to be a navel-gazer, so don’t stare at someone else’s torso to figure out where it’s pointing.

* For an explanation of why there are no poctires of belly buttons, take a look at the image search results for the term.  Creepy…

As we’ve discussed before, sometimes you don’t get the best figures on the unemployment rate.  So even though the economy is showing some signs of recovery, it’s hard to tell how many people are looking for work.  When I started out after college, I didn’t have a job waiting for me, and now it seems that many of those who did have joined the unemployment statistic, especially over the past few months.  So if you’re on the job hunt, or know someone who is (you probably do), here are some tips that can really help.  And trust me, it’s not fun to learn these things through experience.

You have health care options.  Sure, there might be a national program at some point, but that isn’t an option now.  However, there are a few ways that you can still get good treatment without having an employer.

You don’t have to work for a company.  It’s good to know that there are other options than what you think you’re going to get, especially if you don’t get it right away.  Making back-up plans is never a bad idea.

You don’t have to take the first job you’re offered.  I went through some pretty bad interviews, even though I knew that they were not right for me.  I could have saved myself and my interviewers quite a bit of time by being more honest with them earlier on, and might have found the jobs that I eventually took sooner.

It’s important to plan out and develop a routine.  It’s vital to keep yourself from resting on your laurels and thinking that the job will come to you.  Unless you built a job-getting magnet.  In which case, I would like to borrow it.

Even your breaks need to be structured.  I would end up taking hours out of my day by not focusing well enough on the task at hand.  Until I learned how to take a better break.

You have to motivate yourself.  It can be hard to do, but if you break things down into steps that you can manage, it’s amazing how much more you can accomplish.

Make yourself an expert.  It might take some time, but it will make you a much more valuable asset to employers.

It’s okay to sell out.  Or be a job whore.  Really.

Take your time so you don’t go insane.  When your furniture starts talking to you and your name isn’t Pee Wee Herman, you need to relax a bit.

And if what you’re doing isn’t working out, try changing things (like with the job application diet).  If it didn’t work before, it won’t work now.

You know, now that I think about it, pretty much everything on this blog is something that I wish that someone had told me before I had to figure it out for myself…

So I’ve talked a bit about telling everyone you know that you are looking for a job.  What I haven’t mentioned much is working on the pitch that you should give when doing the telling.  The Harvard Business Blog has some great tips on how to improve your “elevator pitch” and sell yourself really well to others.  It’s definitely worth a look, especially if you plan on networking with anyone at any time in the future.

Harvard Business Blog

The job: Motivational speaker

You might like this job if: You are good at both motivating and speaking.  And selling.  And having a definite point of view.  And telling stories.  Oh, and you have to market yourself and your books, so you should be good at writing too.  And organization.  And if you enjoy doing all of these (and other things), you might like being a motivational speaker!

The good: You get to help people make positive changes in their lives while getting a tidy profit.  You might become a celebrity!  And you will be an expert on some exciting topic (probably) and get called in as a talking head for a 24-hour news channel or daytime talk show!  Plus, your face and name will be all over your books, CDs, t-shirts, coasters, etc.  It’s like being a Hollywood star, but instead you have a lot of cute acronyms for stuff (kinda like Gary Busey, I guess).

The bad: If you’re successful, you will travel a lot.  I mean A LOT.  You also have to constantly memorize new speeches to give on new topics so you can retain old speaking gigs.  And there’s a lot of competition – there are hundreds of speakers bureaus representing hundreds of clients.  It can take a while to get to the top of the speakers’ circuit, and once you’re there, it’s hard to transition to another field.  Also, it’s mostly dependent on you being motivated yourself and having some prior experience that is a good “hook” for whatever your speech is on.  There’s a lot of work that goes into being a professional speaker, and some people can’t overcome the big hump of work it takes.

Summary: If you’re a charismatic, confident, intelligent, organized, got-their-stuff-together kind of person, you might be able to make it as a speaker.  But it takes an incredible amount of dedication and a conscious effort to put yourself out there as a model of whatever life-bettering patter you have.  There’s high risk and high reward, but the competition and sacrifices that one has to make to do the job have cut down many people.

Rating: Three shiny 32-tooth smiles out of five

So usually I like to try to end the work week with some big statement, profound notion, or, you know, something or other to boost the hit count*.  This time, I’ll leave you with something that a good friend said to me the other day when I was feeling a bit down about my job search luck.

I don’t think that you’d have a hard time getting a job.  I mean, it’s taken a global economic pandemic/crisis thing to pull you down.  And that’s a world-changing event.

So my new goal?  Fix the economy.  Or get an awesome job in spite of it.

Have a great weekend!

*I know not all of those posts are from Fridays.  I was trying to make a point, okay?

Everyone reaches a point during the job search when they stop being so concerned with what position they’re applying for, as long as they get it. This is past the point of selling out – this is being a job whore – because you’ll take anything you can get.

But how can you be a good job whore, and get a transition job where you can actually transition into the position or company you want?  How do you keep from selling your valuable time to the lowest minimum-wage bidder?  It all comes down to three things: attitude, intent, and relatability.

Attitude: You can’t come into a job with the attitude that it is beneath you, regardless of how temporary it is.  Rather, look at it as a gateway to new experiences and making new contacts, who might help you get into a better position.  Also, don’t feel depressed about “slumming it.”  You need to focus on getting the job done and not letting yourself get too comfortable with the idea that you have a job when you can still keep looking.  Contradictory, I know.  But you need to be able to balance your positive and negative feelings about the job and do it well.

Intent: How long do you plan to stay with your job whore position?  Try to outline a plan for yourself so you can keep looking for other work, and have motivation to do so.  It’s easy to get complacent and enjoy that you’re employed rather than pushing yourself, but if you want to make the most out of the situation, you have to intend to do more.

Relatability: It’s always a good idea if your job whore gig can relate to what you are trying to do in your (hopefully) future career.  Working at an electronics shop can relate if you’re trying for some engineering jobs, sales can be a good idea if you’re going into marketing, and so on.  Try to find a position where what you’re doing can have long-term benefits to your overall career or life goals (and I don’t just mean an employee discount).

Remember: even if you’re desperate for work and will take anything, you can still make the most of your situation to help yourself out in the long run!