For the record, today’s Job That Might Seem Cool But Actually Kinda Sucks is in reference to the historical, Disneyland ride-based, Treasure Island-type pirate, not the ones that have been in the news more recently. And yes, I’m aware of the South Park episode that explains the discrepancy.
The job: Pirate
You might like this job if: Well, if you like pirates, I guess. Like the pirate speak, the pirate fashions, the pirate way of life, and so on.
The good: You get to be a pirate! How awesome is that? Sure, you might have to contend with ninjas, vikings and zombies to be the trend of the moment, but you’d get to be a pirate sailing the seven seas! Arr!
The bad: First off, keep in mind that most pirates don’t get to be captains right off the bat. You’d have to work your way up the ladder slowly, only getting the position through (most likely) a mutiny. Also, you’d be on the seas for months, without a refrigerator or any way to really keep food fresh. And without knowing when you would next be stopping into a port (or if you would have any funds), you might die of what many pirates did: starvation. Unless you managed to hold it together enough to eat some leather, or slaves. Oh, and you know what scurvy, the disease that many pirates had based on a lack of vitamin c, does to the body, right? Teeth fall out, blood starts pouring from the gums and nose, and the bowels begin to discharge uncontrollably. So besides starvation and diarrhea, what would be the bad thing? That’s right – pirates are criminals, and that offense is punishable by death. Similarly, modern software pirates get sued into oblivion.
Summary: It sounds like a nice job, but there’s a reason that pirating does not seem like a viable career choice these days. Stick to dressing up at Halloween or watching the movies.
Rating: Five pieces of eight out of five
