During your professional (and personal) life, you’ll end up in situations where you may have to cut off relationships in an unpleasant way. Whether it’s due to a professional rivalry, bad performance, an unfortunate turn of events or bad working chemistry, you will burn some bridges during your lifetime. But this isn’t about throwing people under the bus – it’s about how to reconnect and rebuild a relationship.
- Determine reasons. Why do you want to get back in touch? If your reasons are more utilitarian than altruistic, chances are that you’ll be making things worse.
- Initiate contact. Do this by email, a phone call or a handwritten letter, as in-person meetings can go on for too long and end badly. You don’t need to cast aspersions and blame; a simple message showing regret for what happened is all it takes. Don’t force the reconnection – after all, phones (and email, IM, Twitter, etc) work both ways. The other person may not want to get back in touch with you. If so, leave it be.
- Start slow and move carefully. Your relationship will be shaky to start. Don’t assume you can go back to the old routine right away. It’s easy to slide back into old roles or bring up whatever occurred between you to cause the problem in the first place. Be friendly and courteous, but stick to a professional tone.
- Build trust. Start with something small, where you are showing that you trust them enough to have some responsibility. This will take time, but soon you should have a solid bridge of communication back together between the two of you.
When reconnecting with anyone, you will have to deal with old feelings coming back up and the eventual airing of grievances. Deal with these when you both feel ready – not when just one of you is. And in some cases, the situation isn’t salvageable. Know when to let go. After all, there are other ways of crossing from one side to the other.
