Needle, Meet Haystack

During your professional (and personal) life, you’ll end up in situations where you may have to cut off relationships in an unpleasant way.  Whether it’s due to a professional rivalry, bad performance, an unfortunate turn of events or bad working chemistry, you will burn some bridges during your lifetime.  But this isn’t about throwing people under the bus – it’s about how to reconnect and rebuild a relationship.

1. Determine reasons. Why do you want to get back in touch?  If your reasons are more utilitarian than altruistic, chances are that you’ll be making things worse.
2. Initiate contact. Do this by email, a phone call or a handwritten letter, as in-person meetings can go on for too long and end badly.  You don’t need to cast aspersions and blame; a simple message showing regret for what happened is all it takes.  Don’t force the reconnection – after all, phones (and email, IM, Twitter, etc) work both ways.  The other person may not want to get back in touch with you.  If so, leave it be.
3. Start slow and move carefully. Your relationship will be shaky to start.  Don’t assume you can go back to the old routine right away.  It’s easy to slide back into old roles or bring up whatever occurred between you to cause the problem in the first place.  Be friendly and courteous, but stick to a professional tone.
4. Build trust. Start with something small, where you are showing that you trust them enough to have some responsibility.  This will take time, but soon you should have a solid bridge of communication back together between the two of you.

When reconnecting with anyone, you will have to deal with old feelings coming back up and the eventual airing of grievances.  Deal with these when you both feel ready – not when just one of you is.  And in some cases, the situation isn’t salvageable.  Know when to let go.  After all, there are other ways of crossing from one side to the other.

This week’s question might seem a little negative, and the response might seem a bit harsh and have an overly realist tone, so if you’re a fan of sunshine, rainbows and puppies, I suggest heading over to the archives.

Dear Andrew,

I’ve read your blog a few times, but since I’m already employed, I don’t see much point in going to a job search site, especially while I have a career.  What would be a reason for me to keep reading it?

The answer to your question is pretty simple: because there is no job that you can’t lose, and it never hurts to be prepared.

I’m not speaking of the unsure statistics regarding career changes during a person’s lifetime or projections about job retention, but rather the degree of expendability that exists within anyone’s career.  You may feel secure in your job (even a tenured position), but that doesn’t mean that at some point you won’t want a change of location or responsibilities.

As I’ve mentioned before, people don’t need to stick with one particular job.  As much as you might enjoy your work as, say, a teacher, and might want to stick with it for a long time, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you will (just ask most of the teachers in Washington DC).  Whether it be budget cuts, personal performance, office politics, work environment, client opinions or any other number of reasons, you might lose your job.  And there are just as many (if not more) reasons why you might leave.

There are stories that come out all the time about people who are successful in one field leaving suddenly to pursue something else (and not just former child actors).  However you might feel about your job today, you might feel differently tomorrow.  And diving in headfirst to the job market unprepared is one of the worst things that you can do.

Even if you don’t plan on going anywhere, it’s not a bad idea to have an updated resume handy, a good idea of who you can use as references or referrals, and an idea of a backup plan.  This blog is here to help with every step of the job search process, whether you’re just looking around to see if the grass is greener or if you’re looking full-time.

Or maybe you can just read it for the articles.

Even though most people would call me a young upstart punk for talking about working even though I’m not too many years out of college, the truth is that you could say I’ve been working for at least 15 years.  And I don’t mean “being a student is work”-working.

When I was 10, I started out working weekends at the front desk at my dad’s store.  By the time I was 13, I was going in after school and doing that job plus a few administrative duties (don’t tell the government – they get mad about this sort of thing sometimes).  Of course, the store closed when I was 15, so I took a couple of years off to focus on school and volunteer opportunities.  But between those jobs and what I’ve done since, be it part-time retail over summer vacation, an internship at a prestigious ad agency, or even my more recent endeavors, I’ve found something from each position that’s helped me become better at the next one.

That doesn’t mean that I’m going to put them all on my resume.

There’s no reason to run a novella-length resume that drones on and on about your accomplishments and careers.  Anything that is over seven years old is ancient history.  Just pick the three or four most pertinent jobs and use them.  There is no reason to mention an internship at an architectural firm when applying for a retail job (or vice-versa).

But what do you do if none of your work experience quite matches up with the job?  It’s best to go with the most pertinent parts of your job history, preferably from your most recent positions.

Placing your entire job history on a resume almost gives the impression that you feel overqualified for the position, or that you really want to write your autobiography.  Either way, pick the most important stuff and leave the rest out.

Now that we’re at three months, it seems like you all have decided that it’s more important to consider real food over plastic food with funny faces…

Wow.  100 posts.  That’s a lot.  Sure, some of them might not be about jobs, but that’s still a good number.  Or is it?  I mean, 100 is just as much of a number as 99 or 101…maybe there’s some undue emphasis on number milestones.

At one point in my job search, I sent out over 1,000 applications in the span of two months, with about 150 of them going out over the course of two days.  Although I got some responses, none of them were the magic job offer.

I know people who have had to look for a new careers for only three days before they got an offer.  Some others took around five months.

The truth is, the number of applications you’ve sent, the number of interview you’ve had, the number of months you’ve been looking…none of it really matters.  All you’re looking for is the one that gets you in the door.

And whether you’re on the side that’s counting the days since you started (and the hours till you can leave the office to go home) or on the side that’s counting the days since you last heard anything from a prospective employer, thanks for your support.  I hope that something on the blog has helped you with your job search or your current career.

And I promise I won’t put up anything like this again until there are 500 posts.

While wandering around the business/sales/finance/marketing section of my local big-chain bookstore yesterday, I came across the last copy that they had of Hugh MacLeod‘s incredibly great book, Ignore Everybody and 39 Other Keys to Creativity, which I then proceeded to read four times in a row, practically missing the Mad Men premiere.  Yes, it’s that good.  I suggest you get it on Amazon.com right now (or go to the store and buy it), then come back and read the rest of this post.

One of the things that Mr. MacLeod mentioned that really stuck with me was what he calls the Sex & Cash theory, which is basically this: there are some things you do for fun because you’re passionate about them (sex), and some things that you do to make money to help supplement your fun (cash).  Sometimes, you’re lucky to have a job where you can do both (not prostitution – this is a metaphor, so don’t take it literally).

I know you might be thinking: Andrew, you already said that selling out is okay.  What the hell are you trying to pull here? Well, this isn’t about selling out.  This is about sex and cash.

The point here is that there needs to be a balance between one’s passions and one’s necessities.  Many people will consider sticking with something that they know well, whether it’s because it’s what they went to school for, or because they like it.  Similarly, many people gave up on their dreams to pursue a secure, safe lifestyle, and constantly wonder, “what if.”  You need to be able to budget both.

MacLeod tels of a friend whose passion was collecting antique spoons.  He left his office job to work as an appraiser for such objects, but quickly became frustrated with the job.  What he did was kill his hobby, and in doing so, his passion (sex) died.

If you can find a balance, like MacLeod’s example of an art photographer who pays the bills by shooting photos for catalogs, then go ahead.  As long as you’re able to satisfy your personal wants (sex) and needs (cash), you’ll be doing just fine.

Like today’s images?  Find more at Hugh MacLeod’s website or pick up his book.

Alcohol can be fairly prevalent at many work-related events.  From a lunch interview to a networking event to the company Christmas party to your boss’ office, there’s a good chance that people may be drinking.  So should you be drinking too?

This article from the New York Times outlines some good rules of thumb to follow about when and how much to drink around co-workers (though I would add potential contacts and employers to the list as well).  I would add that you can request for the bartender to fill your drink only halfway, and in the case of many mixed drinks, you can ask for them without the alcohol.

Are Three Martinis Three Too Many?

For the record, today’s Job That Might Seem Cool But Actually Kinda Sucks is in reference to the historical, Disneyland ride-based, Treasure Island-type pirate, not the ones that have been in the news more recently.  And yes, I’m aware of the South Park episode that explains the discrepancy.

The job: Pirate

You might like this job if: Well, if you like pirates, I guess.  Like the pirate speak, the pirate fashions, the pirate way of life, and so on.

The good: You get to be a pirate!  How awesome is that?  Sure, you might have to contend with ninjas, vikings and zombies to be the trend of the moment, but you’d get to be a pirate sailing the seven seas!  Arr!

The bad: First off, keep in mind that most pirates don’t get to be captains right off the bat.  You’d have to work your way up the ladder slowly, only getting the position through (most likely) a mutiny.  Also, you’d be on the seas for months, without a refrigerator or any way to really keep food fresh.  And without knowing when you would next be stopping into a port (or if you would have any funds), you might die of what many pirates did: starvation.  Unless you managed to hold it together enough to eat some leather, or slaves.  Oh, and you know what scurvy, the disease that many pirates had based on a lack of vitamin c, does to the body, right?  Teeth fall out, blood starts pouring from the gums and nose, and the bowels begin to discharge uncontrollably.  So besides starvation and diarrhea, what would be the bad thing?  That’s right – pirates are criminals, and that offense is punishable by death.  Similarly, modern software pirates get sued into oblivion.

Summary: It sounds like a nice job, but there’s a reason that pirating does not seem like a viable career choice these days.  Stick to dressing up at Halloween or watching the movies.

Rating: Five pieces of eight out of five

So now that Extended Metaphor Week is coming to an end, I will leave you with one of the best examples I can think of that relates to your job search.  Of course, I also like trashy TV (less thinking that way), so that might have something to do with it.  So grab the remote, plant your behind on the couch, and get ready to watch some people not make friends.

VH1 is what I would consider one of the great empires of reality television.  Where their casting people find the contestants on their dating shows, I don’t know.  I think they’re grown in vats somewhere in Southern New Jersey, but that’s just a theory.  Regardless of their point of origin, it seems like everyone on every dating show, from Flavor of Love to Rock of Love to Real Chance of Love to Daisy of Love to For the Love of Ray J to I Love New York (notice a trend?) ends up falling into the same trap: a lack of self-awareness.

While it’s easy to understand that copious amounts of alcohol, producers interested in getting good plots from their “unscripted dramas,” clever editors and general silliness may be a large reason that many of these shows have less-than-realistic contestants, it is nonetheless a great way of looking at exaggerated human behavior.  One has to wonder how much those involved are attempting to create a character in the hopes of getting their own spin-off, or are looking for national exposure (many of them are invited to do personal appearances at clubs and bars after they are on these shows).  To paraphrase Chuck Klosterman, most of the drama on these shows would end almost immediately if one of those in the argument would say, “You’re just saying that because you know it’ll end up on TV.”

But putting aside an anthropological and socio-cultural analysis for a minute, we will focus on the point of this example: how it relates to the job search.

The way that many of the contestants get off on the wrong foot (and the way you can almost always determine the “winner”) is by the first impressions that they make with the star bachelor/ette.  Those who drink to excess or who seem too eager to please or too ready to be on TV will not last.  Those who conduct themselves in a dignified – or whatever passes for dignified in the world that these shows exist in – manner almost always win.  They make a positive first impression.

Breaking this down to its most essential elements, the key characteristic that they all have in common is made of two components: setting themselves apart and keeping something back.  While it may just be the editors’ work, it always seems that the eventual winner acts a bit more reserved, relaxed, comfortable, and normal than the rest of the contestants.  They let their personalities shine through, rather than adopting a cover to make them seem to be someone else.  Also, they don’t charge in with everything they have, be it a special talent, skill, or “other” thing.  They show these parts of themselves when prompted to do so, but do not force the issue.  Think of these as good job interviewing tactics.

When the shows are over, the contestants will now have a type of notoriety for being on the shows.  However, they will be known for their parts in edited conversations, key altercations, or some significant action that they performed while on the show.  As people tend to remember things in shorthand, you can use this to your advantage while writing a resume or cover letter.  By adding information (or presenting content) in a way that is different from other applicants, you are becoming more memorable to your potential interviewer.  As long as you make sure it’s for a good thing (an award, project, skill, etc.) as opposed to something negative (typos, curse words, impractical job experience, etc.), your odds of getting a callback will increase.

There are other lessons that the contestants (many through specific instances) on VH1 dating shows can teach you.  Perhaps we’ll go back to that topic at some point in the future.

And by the way, you should not try to get on these shows.  Especially I Love Money.  That show won’t help your job prospects at all.

The other day, I was at my favorite purveyor of massage chairs and Skymall catalog-esque items in the whole world, Brookstone.  And yes, I’m well aware that they’re pretty much the only purveyor of massage chairs and Skymall catalog-esque items now that the Sharper Image has gone out of business, but my point still stands.  After all, I never saw any TempurPedic slippers at any Sharper Image stores!  Then again, I never looked that hard for them.  But I digress.

While looking around at their great selection of combination book light/digital camera/can opener/pliers (available in eight metallic colors!) and iPod charger/flashlight/keyring organizer/stopwatches, I came across this little guy.  His name is Bob Wobble.

Okay, so until our eventual machine overlords tell us otherwise, I guess that Bob Wobble does not really have a gender.  But I’ve never met any women named Bob.  Anyway, Mr. Wobble has several functions, including a clock, an alarm clock, a calendar, a thermometer, and a timer.  He is also egg-shaped, so he wobbles but does not fall over or roll around too much.  Bob is also a perfect example of being “well-lopsided.”

I first heard this term when my high school guidance counselor was talking to me about how to gain a particular competitive advantage in college applications.  And yes, I’m aware that we’ve been talking about specializations this week, but in this case, we’re talking total immersion.

This is about having an all-encompassing, truly expert-level understanding of the ins and outs of a program, procedure, management style, or something similar.  Whereas being a specialist will leave you open to being adept in other areas, to be truly “well-lopsided,” one must have an disproportionate amount of knowledge and skill in one area compared to all others.

Now you’re probably thinking something like, Why should I devote that much time to something like that?  I’m not looking for one key position, and I can’t afford to! Be not afraid, intrepid reader!  This is not about becoming a super-genius in one area of study, but rather more about how to make yourself look better when competing with them for a job.

For every open position out there, there are dozens, if not hundreds of people who fit the exact criteria that the posters are looking for.  Whether it be experience, education, industry work or prior positions, there are “perfect candidates” that fit the mold.  And they do it without having to lie on an interview, cover letter or resume.  These people are so well-lopsided that it looks as if they are a perfect fit in every conceivable way.  This is their weakness.

While you may not have as great of a command on coding C# or designing fonts or recommending stocks, as a specialist (instead of a “well-lopsided”-ist) will have a broader and more comprehensive knowledge base.  This means that you can have a better understanding of the work of those around you, of the company as a whole, and your role within it.  Provided that you’re not a square peg trying to fit into a round hole, your expansive knowledge and experience means that you can offer the company more than just being great at exactly what they’re looking for.  Because while someone who meets all their criteria might be able to do that job amazingly, anyone who has ever worked for more than a couple of days can tell you that your employers will ask you to do a lot of things that were not in the job description.

So, provided that you can be a good asset to your new potential employer, there’s no reason that you can’t overtake a well-lopsided candidate like Bob Wobble.  I mean, he’s shaped like an egg!