PREFACE: I think I read about this somewhere, but I can’t remember where. If you have any idea of the source, go ahead and mention it in the comments.
If you take as minute to think about all of the different people you know, you might notice some trends in how well you know them, and what you know about them. You;ll find that they fall into many different categories, but you can break down the categories thusly:
- Level 1: Small talk and basic stuff. Usually reserved for new friends and acquaintances.
- Level 2: Generic likes and dislikes. For people you’ve known a few weeks or months.
- Level 3: Beliefs. More serious talk, for closer friends.
- Level 4: Motivations. Deep, “this is what I’m really all about” stuff shared among your inner circle.
There are fewer and fewer people as you go up in levels, as people usually move up through a combination of time and shared experiences. But finding a way to accelerate movement up the levels can benefit you when meeting new people and in new environments (like during an interview, starting a new job, and so on). By accelerating the development of your interpersonal relationships, you will have a wider array of people you can talk to, work with, learn from, and trust. I’m not advocating getting everyone to level 4 as quickly as possible; this is more about moving someone from level 1 to level 2.
The simplest way to accelerate both the amount of time and number of shared experiences that you have with someone is to create opportunities for both to happen sooner.
Our sense of time is relative; things can slow to a crawl during boredom or speed up when we’re feeling energetic. But things also seem to progress at a greater length when we go different places. Think back to the last time you had a very busy day. Chances are, you were running around town, taking care of a lot of errands at a lot of different places. And when we change locations, our minds interpret a greater amount of time as having passed. Similarly, changing locations with others makes the amount of time you’ve spent together appear to be longer.
Another way to deepen relationships is to create opportunities for shared experiences. It doesn’t need to be a complex gesture – it can be something as simple as working together on a project. Shared experiences create a stronger bond between two people, so the more of them you can accrue with another person, the closer you will become.
Try developing your interpersonal relationships by moving a few people up a level or two – you’ll be amazed at the changes in your social networks and the opportunities that you will be presented with.
