During my Junior year of college, I spent a semester in London. And while I was there, I discovered something wonderful. The American accent (non-regional diction, in my case) can be sexy.
Just like hearing a British accent on this side of the pond, there’s something foreign and exotic about hearing an American talk if you’re English. We have different names for clothes. We call the “pavement” the “sidewalk.” And this was a turn-on to the British ladies who were quite tired enough of guys who sounded prim and proper and James Bond-like, thank you very much.
So what did I do with this new-found knowledge?
I exploited it. Who wouldn’t? But more on that in a minute.
The interesting thing about being a foreigner is that you are automatically interesting. Your looks don’t really matter. Your personality itself doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that you’re from somewhere else. And the accent is a key component.
We are often deceived by the possibility of something new or alien to us. But the longer it’s around, the more we get used to it. Barely more than a decade ago, sushi was considered a “fringe” food, eaten only by the Japanese and weirdos who liked their fish – yuck! – uncooked. But now, it’s everywhere. And while you might not be able to get a California or Philadelphia roll on the streets of Tokyo, the mystique of the food is gone.
So the key to being new and exciting is not to linger. Now, back to Past Me:
The first thing that I would do would be ask for the girl to get me a drink. I discovered early on that whoever pays for the other person is giving up power – if a man buys a woman a drink, she is under no obligation to talk with him for longer than it takes to get the drink. So she winds up with a free beverage, while he is out for a few bucks. The opportunity cost of the action doesn’t quite level off. And it’s always nice to get a free drink.
The next thing that I would do would be talk to the girl (or girls) by asking them open-ended questions about themselves (couldn’t be answered with a simple yes or no). This kept me from displaying the phenomenon known as Foreign Guy Who Doesn’t Shut Up, and made the experience seem more personal to them. I would hardly talk at all – I would be an active listener, and would wind up getting compliments on my superb conversation abilities!
During my entire time in London, I can count on two hands the number of times I paid for my own drink.
When you’re new to a group, be it a company, team or even an entire city, people will be interested in you because you’re new. If you’re able to manage your image well and make sure not to show all your cards right away, you can leverage your interesting features into more than just a story you tell at the bar.
Wow, I must be a very dumb/benevolent girl. Anytime a guy buys me a drink I am so flattered that I talk to him for at least a good 5-10 minutes after the drink is bought. Unless he’s creepy…I feel there’s a caveat for creepy guys.
You bring up an awesome point though, when you are new to a situation and you have that “new car smell” and mysterious intrigue to yourself then there are SO many more opportunities than you have when you are just “there.” It’s all about how you manage those opportunities and more important the authenticity of them.
Sure, the cute girl might buy you a drink and if you play your cards the right way she might even invite you back for a nightcap. But in terms of career and future relationships/foundations, you probably want more than a one-night-stand.
Elisa, this just proves that you’re more awesome than the average lady. I do accept the caveat for creepy guys, and I wonder if there’s a correlation between drink quality and discussion time (ie: would you talk to someone for longer if he bought you a martini than a shot?)
Writing this post reminded me of a foreign student who came to my high school a long time ago from England. He was really popular at the outset, but he burned out too quickly and was soon just another kid who had an accent. The opportunity to make a first impression is vital, but leveraging it into something more is a task that many people have yet to master.
Right on! I KNEW it worked the same for us Yanks over there. As a further USP, I’d mention I’m a Texan.
That’s a major score point right there, AJ. I had to tell people I was from California and not Arizona because the only states Europeans seem to know of are Texas, New York, DC (if that counts), California, and (sometimes) Florida or Boston (not Massachusetts, but the state of Boston).