Have you ever been sitting with a group and everyone’s really relaxed, just hanging around and having a good time, when suddenly, someone moves in a bit too close to you? Everything changes – a dark (metaphorical) cloud descends over the entire scene, you feel awkward and uneasy, and the worst part is that the offender has no idea what they did! Well, I’ll tell you what they did.
They popped your personal space bubble.
Some people may say that the personal space bubble (or PSB) is actually layered; the first (inner) layer extends about six to eight inches in all directions from your body. The second (outer) is a radius the length of your outstretched arms plus two inches (does not apply to T-Rexes). The first layer is always in use, and the second is in use when we’re in an open space. But your PSB has many more than two layers. It depends on who the other person is.
The inner layer of the PSB is a good default, but sometimes it can be thicker (or thinner) if you’re with family, friends, co-workers, a significant other, pets, clients, acquaintances and so on. Age is also a factor; children tend to have PSBs with smaller than average radii, while teenagers have bubbles that can be significantly larger. The PSB can even retract when you find yourself in a closely huddled crowd.
But Andrew, I don’t have a personal space bubble! You might say. Actually, we all do. And here’s how to find someone’s preferred PSB distance.
In a professional setting: After you’ve exchanged greetings with someone, take a step back so you’re about 3 feet away from them. Wait a few seconds to see if they move forward, otherwise take a step that brings you two feet (or more) away from them. If they stand still, you’re fine. They may, however, move back.
In a personal setting: If you want to decrease the PSB distance (especially with someone you just met), you can either follow through with the professional instructions or go for the gusto and give them a hug as a greeting. Take a short step back and see how they respond. Please note that this is not always recommended, but is a good way to establish a flirting rapport.
The better we know someone, the more our PSBs diminish when we are around them. That’s why we tend to engage in more kinesthetic (touching) actions with people we know well. However, every person has a different distance for their PSB, so make sure to test the waters to prevent an awkward situation.
And if you’re in a bar or club and bump into someone cute, “You popped my personal space bubble!” can work as a great ice-breaker.
Really.
