Have you ever walked into a place you’ve never been to and found yourself inside the platonic ideal of that sort of location? Maybe you stumbled across the perfect grocery store, that’s laid out and stocked in the way you always imagined a grocery store should be. Or you found a mall that seems to epitomize exactly what you perceive a mall should have. It happens very rarely to any of us, but I was lucky enough to have one such experience recently: I found the Perfect Bar.
A friend and I were wandering around a “social nightlife” area when our attention was caught by what seemed to be a metric ton of neon beer signs. Venturing closer, we discovered that this was indeed a bar, tucked off to the side and away from the more well-known clubs and lounges in the area. And when we got in, it was nothing short of amazing.
The walls were littered with every conceivable item: sports plaques, old concert posters, wood carvings, original art, license plates, laminated dollar bills, neon signs and more. Halloween masks, a ukulele and a fishing net hung from the ceiling. To the right of the door, a little person tended a proportionately-sized bar, serving full-size drinks to patrons sitting on miniature barstools. A jukebox in the corner played everything from Lionel Richie to Peaches. The bar itself took up the entire back wall, bartenders pouring drinks out quickly to a steady crowd of regulars.
We saddled up to the bar and ordered. A woman sitting nearby brandished a 2/3-full 22 ounce bottle of cheap beer, swinging it like a club. It shattered on impact with the bar, and for a split-second, the venue fell into a hushed silence. But then the bartender wiped off the shattered glass and spilt alcohol and gave her a new bottle. Everyone cheered.
This is to say nothing of the other assorted devices and decorations around the bar. It’s the unique form of controlled chaos that one rarely (if ever) encounters anymore: a proud dive bar that is fun by nothing more than its presence; the patrons only add to the ambiance.
So many people get dressed up to go out, stressing about the details of their appearance and personality. They create stress for what should be a relaxing and fun time to unwind, creating a counter-intuitive cycle that only leads to buyer’s remorse over the entire evening. It was refreshing to find a place that exists not for social status, preening or illusions of luxury, but just for fun.
Now, this may not be your idea of a perfect bar. But if you’re ever lucky enough to find one that is, be thankful that you have. Places like that don’t come around often.
