Sorry, guys. This post has nothing to do with Jon Stewart.
It has to do with road rage.
You see, I live in the city with the most red light-runners in the USA (though possibly the world). Additionally, our traffic laws allow out-of-state transplants to get an Arizona license without retaking the exam, and our licenses last until the bearer turns 65.* Plus, people are stupid when they drive. I’m sorry if you disagree, but it’s a law of nature – everyone behind the wheel, no matter their experience or circumstances, is an idiot driver. Hummer and Lexus owners doubly so.
As a result, I use a lot of creative gestures and obscenities.
A few months ago, I started using replacement words. You remember those – it’s what your parents used before you discovered swear words. Things like “fiddlesticks” or “shish kabob” or “pickle juice.” So I began threatening to butter people in the ear and hug the caramel corn out of them.
One particular afternoon, when a marmalade-covered lima bean cut me off as I was merging onto the freeway, something just hit me. I wasn’t getting as angry or violent about bad drivers; I was remaining much more calm and collected. This led to a bigger realization. One that we all know, but keep hidden from ourselves:
All emotions are internal.
Sure, we can blame external factors – the end of Brian’s Song, Eddie Murphy back when he was really Eddie Murphy, someone saying unkind things about one’s parentage – but most of the time, we choose how to react to them. There is a conscious decision involved in determining how we treat each social situation, each conversation, each negotiation and each argument.
We decide how we want to be.
It can take a lot of concentration and focus at first. It requires effort. But becoming aware of one’s own responses can lead to quicker problem resolution, a more relaxed social atmosphere, and a safer driving experience. All you need to do is take the first step of recognizing that you can choose how you want to react.
I suggest testing this out on the next few kumquat-eating wallaby-snatchers you meet on the road.
*When I get carded in other states, they think the date is a misprint or a fake. And no, I have no idea why I don’t need to renew my license until then.
