Sometimes, you come across people who are looking for utilitarian relationships. Whether by design or subconscious proclivities, they choose not to be friends, contacts, acquaintances or relations of any sort for a reason other than getting something out of the transaction.
While this is a natural and common occurrence, there’s a subset of this group who only associate with people because they want experiences. They’re called Tourists.
This clip from Parks and Recreation explains the concept perfectly*. Basically, a Tourist is a person who enters someone’s life for three reasons: stories, vicarious living, and social leverage. And once they have what they wanted, they move on.
Tourists may still have real social contacts and deep interpersonal relationships with people, but they cultivate these particular relationships out of a desire to raise social proof. Social proof, if you’re not aware, is a demonstration of higher value through example. So a picture with a celebrity would be social proof, as would a story about doing something out of the ordinary (to most people, anyway) like para-sailing over the Grand Canyon or giving a presentation to the Google Board of Directors. We use social proof as a way of evaluating someone’s worth, and Tourists attempt to exploit this tendency.
Much like social media collectors, Tourists collect stories and experiences to increase their concept of self-value. However, it can be more difficult to spot one. Here are a few common traits of those suffering from Tourist Syndrome:
- Name-dropping
- Conversation monopolization
- Taking a barely tangential conversation topic and turning it into a personal story
- A high degree of interest in one particular story that you are telling them (it seems almost like an interview)
- A lack of conversation topics beyond personal adventures
- One-upmanship
The worst thing about Tourists is that they become highly contagious. One conversation is all it takes to pick up Tourist Syndrome and go off creating (and seeking out) adventures and stories. While this is good in small doses, it belies a lower concentration of self-esteem and personal depth.
The best way to cure Tourist Syndrome is to relax and just enjoy yourself; one can feel forced or compelled to act in a certain way to achieve maximum quantities of social proof.
It’s easy to fall into the habit of becoming a storyteller. And in many cases, it’s a good thing. But obsession with having good, if not the best, stories can lead to awkward situations and a degradation of one’s personality. Just remember: the book of your life doesn’t have to be an action story.
* I also stole the term from this clip.
