NOTE: Props for this post idea go to the ineffably awesome Mehnaz Thawer, who kicks butt on her blog, Strawberry Ghetto [EDIT: It's now Speak Softly and Carry a Red Pen]. You should totally check it out.
At one point during my unemployed days, I sent out over 150 applications over the course of two days, and didn’t receive a single offer for an interview. Instead of curling up into a ball and sobbing naked whilst holding a teddy bear, I went back to the drawing board and continued to work on finding work. Regardless of the circumstances, you can pick yourself back up – you don’t need to stay slumped over or admit defeat. As corny as it is, even a little confidence and a positive self-concept can go a long way to keeping you from spiraling into depression or giving up.
The human brain is a funny thing. Supposedly, it’s too big and powerful for our bodies to handle, which can cause chemical imbalances and psychological problems. And yet, we’ve used our brains for thousands of years to evolve, create and explore our world in an almost entirely positive upward swing. But that’s a whole other bag of chips that belongs on a blog about psychology or sociology or anthropology or something else that ends in -ology and has to do with brains and people (but not zombies).
We rationalize situations with 20-20 hindsight; we become workaholics; we ignore past experiences. Our brains do all of this to make us move on, even if we don’t consciously acquiesce to it. We may be rejected dozens or hundreds of times, but we get up and keep moving. And if you have trouble getting past something, there are a few ways that you can strengthen your brain’s resilience to what is colloquially termed a “shit-storm.” Here’s three of them:
- Find a new hobby – distraction allows your brain to focus on something else, which can have a calming effect and will help you move away from negative thoughts.
- Talk about it – vocalizing one’s concerns, instead of leaving them bottled-up and internalized, can lead to discovering a fresh perspective on getting over the issue, or even realizing how little it matters. If you don’t feel like sharing with others, you can always find intelligent conversation by talking to yourself.
- Experience deliberate rejection – create a situation of little to no social or personal importance where you will be rejected outright. Order spaghetti at McDonald’s. Demand (politely) a “medium, not grande”-sized coffee at Starbucks. Once you realize how unimportant it is for a situation to turn out your way, it’s easier to recover.
So things didn’t turn out the way you expected them to – that’s okay. It may take time, but your brain will work to help you find the strength to move past whatever setbacks you’ve encountered. It’s an amazing mechanism that can help you overcome the trials and tribulations of life, from the death of a loved one to a “no thank you” on an employment application to a rejection from a cute bartender. If you trust yourself, and your brain, you’ll be able to overcome anything – it’s truly a wondrous device.
Why else do you think zombies find them so tasty?
It’s been one of those weeks for me.
But your blog made me smile (esp. the zombie reference. I love the undead).
And you make a great point. I love the last one. Rejection can only be as consequential to your self-worth and self-concept as you let it be.
When you’re in a hole, that’s hard to remember. But at the same time, it’s important to keep that perspective.
Thanks for the wonderful post and for the props.
I told you I knew it’d be awesome!
This is a great post and speaking from your personal experience, you’re here to say, “Hey, I didn’t lay on the ground sobbing for hours, I picked myself up.” I also think, many of us have been in the same position and that isn’t easy.
More often than not, life turns out how you don’t expect it to … so I just say, don’t hold onto expectations and remember to embrace surprise
Thanks for the comments!
Mehnaz: Thanks again for the suggestion – resilience is something that I’ve danced around but never really tackled on the blog. I’m glad that you liked it!
Grace: I definitely agree. Everyone gets a turn at the Wheel Of Things Not Turning Out Right, and sometimes, it can be hard to accept it. But that’s the nice thing about life; it goes on, and you get many opportunities (and surprises) if you keep yourself open to them.
One of the biggest things that I feel I can teach my children (when I become a mom) is to be happy. And ‘being happy’ has so much to do with resilience, and teaching yourself to move on and persevere despite all the rejection while working toward a goal.
Love this pots Andrew. I’ve been going through a tough phase myself and reading this post made me smile.
Thanks for commenting, Sabera!
Happiness is definitely tied to resilience; if one can get past rejection, it really does go a long way to improving morale. And I’m glad that the post helped you out.