Needle, Meet Haystack

My father, for the past 3/4 of his life, has not been completely clean-shaven.  And not only that, but his facial hair has remained in the same style, outliving fashions of the hippie, disco, yuppie and day-glo eras (his sideburns, sadly, cannot say the same – mutton chops, Dad?  Really?!).  His van dyke has, besides going from black to gray to white, remained unchanged throughout the years.  No matter what else changes in his life, there is one immutable law: my dad will have his beard and mustache.

In fact, my mom has never seen him without it.  For the past 30+ years, she has never seen him without his facial hair.  His sister doesn’t remember what he looked like without it (not counting in childhood, before his beard could grow to its permanent resting place).  In fact, much like Jesus Christ between ages 13 and 30, there is a gap of time in which there were no photographs of my dad at all.  It’s as if he left the land of pictorial remembrance, and when he returned, his beard and mustache came with him.

I don’t think that my father will ever, for the rest of his life, put razor or clippers to the hairs above, below and to the sides of his lips.  He will forever be a bearded man.

Dad’s facial hair decision echoes a trend that has existed in cultures and workplaces since the dawn of mankind: if you find something that works, stick with it.  And while there is wisdom in this concept, there’s also a great deal of foolishness.

Once a method or practice has been shown to work consistently, it becomes ingrained in a culture.  Personally, we call them “habits.”  Professionally, they’re “operating procedures.”  Sure, they might not work all the time, but if they work for the majority of cases with little or no incident, there’s no real cause for concern.

And this can be fine – innovation is not essential to success.  But then, how do we know we’ve chosen the best methods?  How do we know that what we’ve become accustomed to is the best choice?

I’ve asked Dad at various times to shave off his beard.  He won’t do it.  After what I can presume to be much trial and error in his wilderness years, he found something that works for him.

So the only real way to establish a habit or operating procedure is through trial and error.  It can take a long time to determine the best method, but once it’s done, it at least seems like the best way to do things at the time.  But if it starts losing effectiveness, that’s a clear indication that one must innovate.

My dad’s facial hair hasn’t reached that point – it hasn’t lost its luster, even after decades of sameness.  Still, I can’t help but wonder how he would look without the beard and moustache.  But as long as it works for him, it’s not a mystery that really needs to be solved.

Back in my high school days, I was surrounded by a lot of smart kids, and a few very clever cheaters.  And despite friendly appearances, we were all out for blood.  Tests, essays, presentations, labs…all of it was a competition for who could get the highest grade.  And if everyone sucked on one project, the teacher would usually grade on a curve (not a bell curve, but a point-adjusted curve from the highest-graded student’s paper), and that would smooth things over.

I remember one time, I came home with a midterm test.  ”How’d you do on it?” my dad asked.

“Well, I got a 70%, but that was bumped up to an A because everyone else did lousy on it too.”  I have to admit, I was feeling pretty proud of myself.

Dad shot me one of those ‘Dad’s not too happy’ looks.  ”So you got a C.”

“No, I told you, I got an A.”

“You got a 70%.  That’s a C.”

“Yeah, but the other kids-”

“I don’t care about the other kids.  I care about what you got.  If they weren’t there to mess up, you would have gotten a C.”

At the time, I thought he was being an ass.  But, following in the footsteps of my favorite Mark Twain quote, I’ve come to realize that he was right.

We’ll compare ourselves to anyone – co-workers, friends, family, former classmates, complete strangers – all in an effort to attempt to motivate ourselves, show off our accomplishments, or wallow in self-pity.  A neophyte blogger might try to compare himself to Guy Kawasaki or Gary Vaynerchuk.  An actress might compare herself to Catharine Hepburn or Julia Roberts.  And while I understand the need for motivation and a point of reference for self-direction, it’s a silly and ineffective practice.

And no one is immune, least of all, me.  You see, I recently compared myself with Justin Bieber.

And if you’re over the age of 16, I wouldn’t expect you to know who he is.  Hell, I didn’t know who he was.  I had to Google the guy just for this article.  But the whole rivalry came about when I was playing Tap Tap Revenge 3 on my iPod Touch (not iPhone) and a message popped up saying something like HERE IS A FREE SONG FOR YOU WITH THIS MOP-HEADED KID AND LUDACRIS.  PLAY IT AND BECOME MORE ADDICTED TO THIS GAME THAT YOU ARE PLAYING AT 3:30 AM WHEN YOU HAVE WORK TOMORROW.  And since Ludacris is the greatest thing to happen to music since the keytar, I got it and fired it right up.

So the first thing I noticed was that Justin Bieber sings like a kid who’s going through puberty.  Then I realized holy crap he’s barely a teenager. Then I realized that he already has probably made more money than most people ever see in their lives.  And he’s hanging out with Ludacris.  And he has a swagger coach.

I WANT TO HAVE AND/OR BE A SWAGGER COACH.  Also, I want to make a lot of money.

So I started thinking of how I could rise to a level of power and fame that would make Justin Bieber look like an insignificant speck when compared with my magnificence.  Then I started to realize that this kid is almost a decade younger than me and far more successful.  Then I realized that when I was 16, I could neither dance nor sing, much less simultaneously.

This went on for a while, until I realized that Justin Bieber and I will probably never meet, and while I’m sure he may be a charming young man (in spite of unintentionally inciting a riot – twice!), I have no real need to compete with him.  After all, it does nothing for me but distract me from my goals.

Now, at this point you might be wondering why the guy who said that you absolutely have to have an archenemy is preaching that comparing yourself with others is a bad idea.  Or you might be thinking that I’m a weirdo.  If it’s the former, we’ll get to that.  If it’s the latter, welcome to my blog.

The difference between comparing yourself with someone else and using an archenemy as a motivator is simple: a comparison is often goal-based, temporary, and situational; an archenemy is practically eternal.

We pick who we compare ourselves with based on the situation and criteria for success on individual tasks; a test, a presentation, a promotion, or some other activity with a set goal and end date.  As such, the use of comparisons is fleeting and burns out quickly.  If your motivation ends fast, then what will happen to your drive to excel when you’re working alone?  If you’re only as good as the person next to you, you will not be able to stand by yourself.

The nearsightedness of comparing yourself with others will also lead to warped expectations, beliefs, and self-concept.  In my Bieber-inspired madness, I lost sight of accomplishing much of anything and became more focused on what I could do to overpower a teenage pop star – never mind that I’m a twentysomething with no desire to sing and dance anywhere that doesn’t rhyme with “karaoke.”  I became too focused on my own limitations and past experiences that I failed to act on anything.

Having an archenemy, meanwhile, is a gold mine of motivation.  You don’t need to be in the same field, company, or even country as them to reap the same rewards.  Your goal is much longer-term: complete and utter defeat and humiliation of the archenemy through your success and excellence.  There’s no end date, no assignment, no short-term success.  You’re not creating a handicap to help you for one game; you’re creating a whole new playing style that will help you forever.

The realization that the comparisons prevented me from reaching my peak performance was what actually got me motivated, not the comparisons themselves.  Once I stopped worrying, I was able to start doing.

So whether you’re worried about your performance at work, your grades on a test, or even how you are in the sack, stop worrying about how you stack up compared to other people.  Just worry about how you do compared to yourself.  Or your archenemy.  But definitely not Justin Bieber.  He’s doing just fine.

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Well, not quite.

There’s a lot of domain searches out there, and a good number of ‘em will actually buy up domains that people search for.  Dastardly deeds, indeed.  Luckily, Instant Domain Search doesn’t.

So whether you’re thinking of moving your blog off an old Blogspot or WordPress URL, creating an online portfolio, or checking to see if hooraypancakes.com is available, check it out.

Instant Domain Search

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I have this nifty plugin on the blog that sifts out spam comments.  So far, it’s detected about 239 spam comments this month, almost 100 more than the total amount of real comments that have been posted on NMH.  Ever.  So on a recent login, I decided to sit down and read what the spammers have been saying.  And it was pretty surprising.  Some were like fortune cookies, some were almost real, and some…well, that’s for you to decide.

“Winners take time to relish their work, knowing that scaling the mountain is what makes the view from the top so exhilarating.” – Faxless Payday Loans, on The Top 9 Blogs of 2009 (That Aren’t This One)

“It is rather interesting for me to read that blog. Thank you for it. I like such topics and everything that is connected to this matter. I definitely want to read a bit more soon. By the way, pretty nice design this blog has, but don’t you think it should be changed once in a few months?” – Paper Towel Holder, on The Great Idea Garage Sale

“Success is ninety-nine percent failure.” – Nike Dunk Shoes, on Jobs That Might Seem Cool but Actually Kinda Suck: Pirate

“from yesterday i dont know what happen to my computer.all security services are disable and lots of spam are comping on my computer.my anti virus is showing Trojan.Conficker.c.gen virus but not able to delete.help me to delete this virus.” – Satellite TV for PC, on 5 Ways You’re Killing Your Personal Brand Right Now

“I have a business of $15.5 million for you contact me for details.” – Make Your Penis Bigger, on How To Make Your Voice Sexy in 3 Minutes

“Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine.” – Sexy Lady Pictures, on The Top 9 Blogs of 2009 (That Aren’t This One)

Well, some of those were quite profound.  Thank you, Sexy Lady Pictures!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to see if Make Your Penis Bigger was being honest about that business venture…

NOTE: All numbers here are for approximations and assumptions to the cost of an internship program for a mid-level company that is somewhat successful in its field.  Salary and other numbers are based on rough averages, as illustrated below.  Internship program costs are based on an informal survey of several former interns at various companies.

Are unpaid internships fair to the interns and their employers, or is it a one-way street?  Dust off those TI-83+’s, kids, because it’s time for some math!

Let’s say that your company pays its base-level employees a salary of around $37,000 per year, low-level management gets $43,500, and mid-level managers get $50,000.  These numbers apply to all departments.

Your company has 200 applicants for 5 internship positions, meaning that there is one eventual intern out of 40 applications.  You have two base-level employees spend a week sorting through resumes.  The cost of this activity is $1423.08 ((37000/52)x2).

Of the list of 200 applicants, they cull the number down to 20.  There is one prospective intern out of every four applicants now.  Low-level managers take over, and two of them call each of the prospective interns and conduct a one-on-one phone interview with each of them that takes around 10-15 minutes each, with an additional 7 minutes of annotations and data entry regarding the calls (we’ll average time per call to 12.5 minutes, plus 7 minutes for 19.5 minutes per applicant).  The cost of this activity is $135.94 ((19.5×20)x(43500/124800*)).

Mid-level managers are called in to give the final assessment.  Three of them spend a meeting (let’s call it 2 hours) going over the applicants and the notes made during the interviews to come up with the list of the final 5 interns.  The cost of this activity is $144.2 ((50000/124800)x120 minutes x3 people).

Now, let’s introduce the interns to the company.

The cost of printing orientation materials is about $125 (about $25 for each packet).

Time spent training interns is one week of the time of 5 base-level employees for one-on-one shadowing, or $3605.77  ((37000/52)x5), two lower-level managers for team-building, or $1673.08 ((43500/52)x2), and one mid-level manager for oversight, or $961.54 (50000/52).  This brings our training total to $6,240.39 for that first week.

Throw in the extra money for utilities (water, electric, etc.) and amenities (coffee, occasional lunches, etc.) that the five interns are now consuming, which is $375 (let’s bring that to a total of about $75 per intern for the program’s duration).  Assuming that there are no other costs involved, how much do five unpaid interns end up costing the company?

$8,443.64**, or $1,688.73 per intern.  If this is a summer internship that goes on for 3 months (90 days), that’s $18.76 per day (8 hours), or $2.35 per hour.

Experience is worth quite a lot, especially to students and recent graduates.  But with the federal minimum wage at $7.25, is it really worth losing 2/3 of that money each hour just for experience?

So if this company paid its interns each $1,000 per month, they would still be saving $528 per intern versus the national minimum wage, and that’s including all of the costs listed above.***  And their total costs for paying the interns would be $15,000 for a rough equivalent of 15 months’ work (3 months x 5 interns), well below the yearly cost for a base-level employee.

When you get right down to it, interns are a cheap source of labor, and can reap huge rewards for the company.  So why don’t those companies give a little back?  It costs a lot less than they might think.

* This is the cost per low-level manager per minute – 260 days of work (365 – 104 for weekends; salaried pay makes holidays paid time off in this example), working 8 hours per day, or 480 minutes (ignore vacation, early days, late days, etc.) and no weekends is (260×480) 124,800 minutes

** 6240.39+375+125+144.23+135.94+1423.08

*** (7.25-2.35)x8 hours x90 days = $3,528

I think I might be addicted to workahol.

I have two jobs (in addition to this blog, if one could call that work) that take up the lion’s share of my day.  I have so many business ideas that they’re starting to come out of my nose.  I practically eat, sleep and breathe work.  And I love it.

This past weekend, I actually had to go in to finish some work.  When I mentioned this to several friends, their reactions ranged from “That sucks” to “Eeeewwwwww” to “That [expletive deleted] sucks.”  But it’s not that big of a deal.  In fact, it shows me what I need to work on: time management.

If you have trouble getting off work at a reasonable hour, it isn’t always because of the workload (see #5 on this list).  More often than not, it’s an issue with priorities and personal scheduling.  Of course, there are exceptions.  But if you can get a lock on your time management and communication skills, working over the weekend will become a thing of the past.

I’ve realized what my problem is, and it goes beyond time management.  I need to hunker down and focus more on the job itself, rather than the fact that I have it.  Also, I need to go back to drinking my own Kool-Aid.  And hopefully, the weekend will become mine again.

For relaxing, I mean.  Not more work.

I’ve had a few questions regarding my thought/work process for making blog posts.  I’ll probably expand on this at some point in a future post, but here’s the short answer: I don’t have one.

Sure, I might get ideas that I write down for future use (too many, as it turns out), but most of the time, I just sit down and start writing.  No “creative thought process” – I don’t wait.  I just get it out.

Every post is the rough and final draft.  You don’t see premeditated, edited content.  It’s just ideas in their raw, unadulterated form.  I might pause to think of something to add, but I don’t go back (unless I’m correcting spelling).

The only time I do anything different is when I’m doing guest posts – I usually reread those once.  And when I do my contributions for The Daily Get Up, I usually think of my topic (but not the post contents) in advance.

So apologies to all of those hoping for something a bit deeper and more “inside the mind of a blogger”-ish.  There’s no process; I just write the posts.

Which might explain quite a few things, actually.

Got a question you want answered in the FAQ?  Contact me through one of many methods here.

This past week, I had the dubious honor of writing about KFC’s Double-Down for the Daily Get Up.  So, if you want to save the calories, pain, misery, and untold horror that this monstrosity will inflict upon your person (or will it?), check out the review.  It’s a gut-bustingly honest take on eating what some have called “a meal spawned from the depths of Heck.”

Or “really gross.”

Or…”delicious”?

The Five Stages of the KFC Double-Down (via yours truly at The Daily Get Up)

On Tuesday, I told you that I would be changing my twitter name today.  And honestly, this is something that I should have done sooner.

When it comes to building a brand, be it for a business, personal use, product, celebrity, or some other fifth reason that I can’t think of, consistency is key.  Your brand should have its own website to match its name.  After all, nobody would think that the main site for McDonald’s is joesautosales.com – they would go to mcdonalds.com.

That’s part of the reason I got a new site for the blog – “canhasjob” was something easier to type and remember, but it wasn’t the blog’s name.  So: needlemeethaystack.com.

When it comes to my personal stuff, I’ve taken a similar approach: I bought my name as a domain (andrewweitsman.com), as well as the main corporate permutation of it (aweitsman.com).  This, however, has had the unfortunate side effect of receiving emails and messages meant for other people with a similar name, like Allen Weitsman, who contributes to the Democratic Party and is interested in chartering a plane (thanks for the spam sign-ups, buddy).

So like I said, consistency is key.

When I first had the blog, I named everything after it – I have accounts on link-share sites that still say “canhasjob” – and it sort of made sense, since that was the website’s url branding.  When I moved over to the site you’re on now, that name became anachronistic, so certain profiles (including Twitter), were changed to “nmhblog.”  But in the months since that change, I’ve realized that those profiles also fall under the purview of personal branding – you’re talking to me directly, not a company cipher or some other messenger.  In this case, I am the brand.

So that’s why my Twitter name will now match the rest of my personal brand stuff.  So if you’re wondering why “aweitsman” is now appearing in your feed (or in links on this blog), that’s the long-winded reason why.

As I mentioned the other day, I recently acquired a second job.  And although this keeps me busier, it also allows me to devote more time to building my professional brand, not to mention that it increases my income significantly.  There are many advantages to spending more time working, but you must be careful that you don’t overstep your bounds.  Here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Check with your boss first. Depending on your current employer, you may have some restrictions on where/how you can acquire a second job.  Also, you will have to negotiate a way to schedule your time at both jobs.  Explaining the situation to your boss early can help the process go more smoothly and can save a lot of headaches and trouble in the long run.
• Tell your interviewer. Similarly, your new employer must also be informed of your other job.  While this may work against you in the interview process, withholding this information can lead to a waste of everyone’s time and energy.
• Check with your accountant. Or, look into tax laws and regulations for filing – some things may change for you when you get a new job, money-wise.  Make sure you know what you’re in for when April 15 rolls around.
• Make sure you can handle it. Don’t take a second job just because you need the money.  If you are physically, mentally or emotionally unable to deal with a heavier workload, don’t do it – you’ll crash and burn early.
• Plan things out ahead of time. It might be to your benefit to set a schedule for your first month, so you can settle into a better routine or groove as you find the balance between your jobs.
• Be aware of the hours. A lot of people forget how time-intensive a new job can be; learning procedures, methods, rules, regulations, practices and so on takes a lot of time, so you may not have as much room for relaxation as you think.
• Make time for yourself. Don’t take on so much work that it consumes your life.  If there’s no time for family, friends, hobbies or sleep, you need to find a way to cut back.

It makes a lot of sense to get a second job if you can afford the time and need the money or experience.  But make sure that if you pursue this path, you’re aware of the risks, not just the rewards.