Needle, Meet Haystack

Back in my high school days, I was surrounded by a lot of smart kids, and a few very clever cheaters.  And despite friendly appearances, we were all out for blood.  Tests, essays, presentations, labs…all of it was a competition for who could get the highest grade.  And if everyone sucked on one project, the teacher would usually grade on a curve (not a bell curve, but a point-adjusted curve from the highest-graded student’s paper), and that would smooth things over.

I remember one time, I came home with a midterm test.  ”How’d you do on it?” my dad asked.

“Well, I got a 70%, but that was bumped up to an A because everyone else did lousy on it too.”  I have to admit, I was feeling pretty proud of myself.

Dad shot me one of those ‘Dad’s not too happy’ looks.  ”So you got a C.”

“No, I told you, I got an A.”

“You got a 70%.  That’s a C.”

“Yeah, but the other kids-”

“I don’t care about the other kids.  I care about what you got.  If they weren’t there to mess up, you would have gotten a C.”

At the time, I thought he was being an ass.  But, following in the footsteps of my favorite Mark Twain quote, I’ve come to realize that he was right.

We’ll compare ourselves to anyone – co-workers, friends, family, former classmates, complete strangers – all in an effort to attempt to motivate ourselves, show off our accomplishments, or wallow in self-pity.  A neophyte blogger might try to compare himself to Guy Kawasaki or Gary Vaynerchuk.  An actress might compare herself to Catharine Hepburn or Julia Roberts.  And while I understand the need for motivation and a point of reference for self-direction, it’s a silly and ineffective practice.

And no one is immune, least of all, me.  You see, I recently compared myself with Justin Bieber.

And if you’re over the age of 16, I wouldn’t expect you to know who he is.  Hell, I didn’t know who he was.  I had to Google the guy just for this article.  But the whole rivalry came about when I was playing Tap Tap Revenge 3 on my iPod Touch (not iPhone) and a message popped up saying something like HERE IS A FREE SONG FOR YOU WITH THIS MOP-HEADED KID AND LUDACRIS.  PLAY IT AND BECOME MORE ADDICTED TO THIS GAME THAT YOU ARE PLAYING AT 3:30 AM WHEN YOU HAVE WORK TOMORROW.  And since Ludacris is the greatest thing to happen to music since the keytar, I got it and fired it right up.

So the first thing I noticed was that Justin Bieber sings like a kid who’s going through puberty.  Then I realized holy crap he’s barely a teenager. Then I realized that he already has probably made more money than most people ever see in their lives.  And he’s hanging out with Ludacris.  And he has a swagger coach.

I WANT TO HAVE AND/OR BE A SWAGGER COACH.  Also, I want to make a lot of money.

So I started thinking of how I could rise to a level of power and fame that would make Justin Bieber look like an insignificant speck when compared with my magnificence.  Then I started to realize that this kid is almost a decade younger than me and far more successful.  Then I realized that when I was 16, I could neither dance nor sing, much less simultaneously.

This went on for a while, until I realized that Justin Bieber and I will probably never meet, and while I’m sure he may be a charming young man (in spite of unintentionally inciting a riot – twice!), I have no real need to compete with him.  After all, it does nothing for me but distract me from my goals.

Now, at this point you might be wondering why the guy who said that you absolutely have to have an archenemy is preaching that comparing yourself with others is a bad idea.  Or you might be thinking that I’m a weirdo.  If it’s the former, we’ll get to that.  If it’s the latter, welcome to my blog.

The difference between comparing yourself with someone else and using an archenemy as a motivator is simple: a comparison is often goal-based, temporary, and situational; an archenemy is practically eternal.

We pick who we compare ourselves with based on the situation and criteria for success on individual tasks; a test, a presentation, a promotion, or some other activity with a set goal and end date.  As such, the use of comparisons is fleeting and burns out quickly.  If your motivation ends fast, then what will happen to your drive to excel when you’re working alone?  If you’re only as good as the person next to you, you will not be able to stand by yourself.

The nearsightedness of comparing yourself with others will also lead to warped expectations, beliefs, and self-concept.  In my Bieber-inspired madness, I lost sight of accomplishing much of anything and became more focused on what I could do to overpower a teenage pop star – never mind that I’m a twentysomething with no desire to sing and dance anywhere that doesn’t rhyme with “karaoke.”  I became too focused on my own limitations and past experiences that I failed to act on anything.

Having an archenemy, meanwhile, is a gold mine of motivation.  You don’t need to be in the same field, company, or even country as them to reap the same rewards.  Your goal is much longer-term: complete and utter defeat and humiliation of the archenemy through your success and excellence.  There’s no end date, no assignment, no short-term success.  You’re not creating a handicap to help you for one game; you’re creating a whole new playing style that will help you forever.

The realization that the comparisons prevented me from reaching my peak performance was what actually got me motivated, not the comparisons themselves.  Once I stopped worrying, I was able to start doing.

So whether you’re worried about your performance at work, your grades on a test, or even how you are in the sack, stop worrying about how you stack up compared to other people.  Just worry about how you do compared to yourself.  Or your archenemy.  But definitely not Justin Bieber.  He’s doing just fine.