Needle, Meet Haystack

As if I don’t pimp myself out enough, I gotta tell you guys that you should really be following me on Twitter.  Because sometimes, I just have so many blog post ideas (hence the current Garage Sale) that I forget to tell you stuff.  Like that I got a new job a few weeks ago.  But I’m keeping my current job with my awesome boss.  Which is part of the reason why I’m posting less frequently.  Well, that should help things make sense.

One of the coolest things about Job 2: Electic Boogaloo is that every Friday afternoon, the whole office gets fresh-baked cookies.  Yes, that’s right – WE HAVE A COOKIE DAY.  It’s no Google Cafeteria, but it’s still pretty rad.  Oh, and my co-workers rock, my new boss is great, etc. etc.

But: COOKIE DAY.

So, speaking of Twitter (and disregarding the past two paragraphs to make the connection), I’ve decided that I’ll be changing my screen name again.  Much like the three-tiered evolution of a Pokemon, like a Squirtle becoming a Wartortle, then a Blastoise , I’m taking the new handle to its final evolutionary stage.  Except in this case, it’s canhasjob -> nmhblog -> [MYSTERY]

Wait, why is it a mystery?

Because knowing my luck, if I post the new one, someone will take it right before I make the change on the 17th.  But hey, at least you’re getting prior warning this time!

So now that all that stuff is out of the way, let’s get down to my giant shout-out to the always-awesome Penelope Trunk, whose Brazen Careerist network has brought me a lot of new Internet friends and taught me quite a bit about blogging.

But more importantly, this is about how awesome the woman herself is.  Over the past five months, she helped me get my act together to accomplish goals I might not have been able to reach before.  Twice.

The first time is when I had a chance to have a phone conversation with her last December, to discuss some of my plans and goals for the blog.  At the time, my brain was all over the place.  And even though our conversation drifted down a path that I later realized I had little interest in pursuing, her suggestions helped me to narrow my focus and make decisions and plans about where this blog is headed.  And over the next few months, many of those plans will be coming to fruition.

The second time was more passive and more recent.  Last month, when I was interviewing for my current job, I wanted to make sure that I got a good deal on my salary.  In addition to using some of the tactics from Lifehacker, I went over Penelope’s list of number-deflection tactics in her post, “The Answer to the Toughest Interview Question.”  And without giving anything away, let’s just say that it helped.  Significantly.

So thank you, Penelope Trunk.  Because of you, I’m able to enjoy cookie day and will be evolving my Twitter account like a Pokemon.

In case you haven’t been aware from the plethora of twittering and occasional blogging that I do on the topic, I’m now a weekly contributor at The Daily Get Up.  And, since it’s a nice day outside and I don’t want to think of a more useful link to post, and because I forgot to link to it during the week, here’s a link to my post from this past week.

It’s about one of my favorite topics, the evil of the Internet.  And stalking people.  And you might be thinking to yourself, I’m already good at stalking people on the Internet!  Why would I want this? And the quick answer is because it will make you a better social network stalker, and a worse stalkee.  So this way people won’t stalk you online.

Because that would be, you know, creepy.

Internet (and Real Life) Stalking Made Easy (via yours truly at The Daily Get Up)

Over the past few months on NSS, I’ve talked about my butt, hearing problems, radioactivity, racism against bees, and even traffic school instructors.  But this week, it’s a little different.  Because this week, you find out about one of the worst things I ever did.

So if you love funny-sounding German feelings, get ready for a bit of daily schadenfreude.

You see, I’m a huge fan of the grand gesture: helping out or giving people something so grandiose and over-the-top that it’s talked about for a while afterwards.  The feeling that I contributed to a person’s life and happiness is a big thing for me, so I try to do it whenever possible.  Sometimes, I even try to do one of those for an entire group.

It was back in my Senior year of high school at the end of the first semester.  I was in the International Baccalaureate program with about four dozen other students, and we had become a close-knit group, sharing almost all of our classes with each other for the past three and a half years.  Since everyone was so stressed over finals, I decided to do something nice: write holiday cards for every one of them.

So I grabbed the IB student directory and went down the list, finding nice things to say to every one of the other students (even the ones I didn’t like or get along with), and by the end of it all, I had an impressive stack of cards to hand out.  So when the big day came, I was feeling very proud of myself.  Not only was I studied up and ready for the final, but I had something that would help to cheer up everyone that I had become close to over my high school career.

Turns out I was wrong about that.

The thing about the IB program is that it’s kinda like the Mob: there’s only one way out.  Except that it’s not in a pine box or at the bottom of the Hudson wearing cement shoes, but by dropping out of the program.  What had started as an IB class of around 250 students in my Freshman year was whittled down to less than 50.  So if you were using the directory (like I was), you would only really need to take names off of the list to figure out who was still in the program.  And with only one IB school per district, the numbers stayed small.  It’s not like anyone could ever transfer in to the program.  Well, not unless they transferred from another school in another district that had the IB program and did it at a time after the directory was published.

I think we can all see where this is headed.

So I handed out all of the cards to each and every person…except for one.

I didn’t realize this until she came up to me after the test and asked why I didn’t give her her card when I gave them to the rest of the class.  And honestly, I had become so completely wrapped up in the event of writing the cards and getting everything just right that I hadn’t made her one.

I’d had enough leftovers to give a card to every teacher, advisor and faculty member involved with the program that I’d had direct contact with that year.  Hell, I had enough to give myself one.

So I lied and said I’d left hers at home, and would bring it the next day.

I didn’t.  In fact, I forgot to ever bring her a card.  And after graduation, I never saw or heard from her again.

So now, whenever I plan out any sort of grand gesture, I take a step back and make sure I’ve covered all of my bases.  Because no matter how good it feels to do something nice for a bunch of people, it always feels worse when there’s someone you forgot.

Let’s be honest here: personal branding is often anything but.  People will use facades, deceit, and selective messaging to put their best foot forward – and in the case of this metaphor, they’re not even using their own shoes.  But regardless of how one uses their personal brand, it’s far more critical to manage it properly.  Here are five common mistakes that can destroy an (in)credible brand in next to no time:

1. Using disqualifying statements. You absolutely cannot be self-deprecating or wishy-washy about your skills.  Admitting that you are delinquent in an area you profess to be knowledgeable about will lead to lots of trouble, and mistrust from your personal brand’s consumers.  In fact, disqualifying statements work a lot like negatives – they remove your authority and put your expertise and reliability into question.
2. Not monitoring your output. Every bit of contact you have with others is branding currency: emails, social network messages, texts, blogs – all of it is a traceable history and record of your activities and opinions.  If you refrain from making sure that your message is consistent across all fields, you will come across as scatterbrained and two-faced.  Doing everything from setting up Google alerts for your name and branded content to self-editing your conversations in IMs and emails can ensure that you have a stable brand message.
3. Leaving large gaps in your brand identity. Do you appear on the first page of search results for your name?  Are you involving yourself with people and organizations that can help promote you and your brand?  Does your email address or website reflect your name or brand?  And if not, how many people do you think are missing out on your content?
4. Reliance on external sources. If you quote others more than creating original content, be it on a blog, Tweets, or daily conversation, you’re not showing yourself and your brand to be creative, innovative or particularly interesting.  Your audience wants someone interesting, not a parrot.  If you find yourself too involved with pop culture and quoting to distance yourself easily, go on a media fast and break the chain cold turkey.
5. Not controlling the conversation. Are you aware of what people say about your personal brand?  Is there an easy way for them to get in touch with it?  What public image are you putting forth?  If you don’t make sure to have an open dialog with your brand consumers, you will be asking these questions constantly, almost always to an empty room.  Involve yourself with those who are interested in what you have to say and offer – you’ll be able to shape your brand the way you want it with less trouble or negative feedback.

Sure, it’s not as bad as unknowingly killing your career, but if you don’t take care of your personal brand, who will?

I’ve got a problem.  Okay, I have several*, but let’s not deal with the semantics here.  I mean, this might not be a big problem, and some might not call it a problem at all.  But it’s an issue at least.  You know what?  Let’s start over.

I have an issue.

Ahh, that’s better.  Sounds almost like we’re talking about magazines.

My issue is that I think too much.

I’ve discussed this a bit before – I think laterally at several steps per second.  I make stupid jokes because I’ve made eight different connections in my brain that I haven’t bothered to verbalize, leading to non-sequiturs that no one gets until I back-track and explain them, by which point, it’s not funny.  I slow down my thought process in social situations to fit in.

I literally have more ideas than I know what to do with.

There’s a moleskine on my desk with about 100 blog post topics that I might never get to.  I have assorted sticky notes with ideas for features and articles and guest posts and essays that might never see the light of day.  Some because they don’t really fit with my ideas for the blog.  Some because they’re a bit too controversial.  Some because I got too carried away when I tried to post them.  Some just because.  And that’s a shame, because they’re really good.  And I’m not just saying that because they’re mine.  Well, maybe I am, but it’s all subjective, anyways.  The point is, I’ve got a bunch of Great Ideas that are sitting around, unused, like old toys and knickknacks in a garage.

That’s where you come in.

I got this idea from a post I did last month, which came about from an offer to take an idea off the hands of another blogger.  So here’s the deal:

Contact me.  Twitter, Facebook, Formspring, a comment on the blog, email, IM, whatever.  Let me know you want an idea.  You can even give me a genre or topic.  Shoot me your email address, and I will give you between 2 to 5 ideas for posts.  This is great if you’ve got writer’s block, if you’re feeling lazy, or if you want to see what some of these ideas are.  Here’s the rules and regulations:

• You MUST use at least one (1) of the ideas I give you in a post, and mention this blog as a source for said idea(s).  Other than that, you can use the idea however you want and take it in whatever direction you wish.
• If you don’t know how to execute the idea into a post, let me know, and I’ll give you a guest post on the idea of your choice.  Standard guest post etiquette rules apply.
• This offer is only good for the rest of this month (April).  Once it’s midnight on May 1, the Garage Sale is over for the time being.
• All ideas requested for the week will be sent out on Saturday.
• If you don’t like the ideas you get, too bad!  I’m giving you several options on posts, and it’s free inspiration!  The deal is that if you want ideas, you’ll have to use at least one of ‘em.

So that’s it.  Whether you need inspiration, a new perspective, a little bloggy break, or just want to peek inside my brain, stop by and see what you get!

* A large number of my exes would say it’s more like several hundred, but this isn’t their blog.

Look, guys.  It’s a holiday for multiple religions, plus a lovely Sunday weather-wise everywhere from Los Angeles to Toronto (as far as I know, anyway).  Just have a nice day with your friends and family.  And if you really want to, you can check out an adorable stuffed monkey making sorbet in a sack.  There.  You got a link.  Now enjoy your Sunday.

Monkey makes fabulous sorbet in a sack (via Hi! Monkey)

In case you missed the news, I’m now posting exclusive content weekly over at The Daily Get Up.  And in case you got the news but didn’t notice much, I have an actual picture of myself that goes along with it.  So, in the interest of full disclosure, here are some preemptive comments:

1. Yes, that’s what I look like
2. The picture was taken a little over three years ago
3. No, I don’t have that facial hair anymore, but my hair is still like that
4. If the seats look familiar, that’s because they’re on the Eurostar
5. Yes, that shirt is from Express
6. Those are indeed the earbuds to an iPod (first generation Shuffle, actually)
7. I KNOW I’M NOT FACING THE CAMERA THAT SHOT WAS ACTUALLY  A CANDID I HAD NO IDEA WAS BEING TAKEN SO JUST DROP IT ALREADY

Hope that clears things up.

In other news, some other bloggers have been listing things that you might not know about them.  I’m too lazy to come up with 10 things, or even 5.  So here’s one:

I have a big butt.

Look guys, I cannot lie about this.  I’ve received untold comments about my “bubble butt,” “big ol’ booty,” “badonkadonk,” or whatever you want to call it.  And it’s not at all proportional to the rest of my body.  It’s like a cardboard tube with a basketball at the back.  And I don’t work my butt out any more than any other part of my body – it’s just absurd.  Here’s an artist’s rendition, which is not an exaggeration at all.

So congratulations – you can now make fun of Past Andrew’s ridiculous facial hair decisions and my ginormous boot.

Have you ever worked with one of those people who calls you over to their office or cubicle every few minutes to show you some stupid thing that they found online?

Well, I used to be one of those people.

One of my old co-workers snapped me out of this mentality.  “No offense,” she said (that usually means that they’re going to offend you, by the way), “but do you not have enough time outside of the office to look at this stuff?”

That’s when I realized that I had a problem.

I’m the kind of guy who needs a lot of structure and routine, so I designed a rigid set of rules and guidelines that helped me to dictate both my personal and professional time.  Whether it was filling out reports, taking a break, commuting or even waking up, I set up frameworks for myself that would be a better way to manage my time.

I wouldn’t recommend doing this.

What I found was that although things were fine at the beginning, I would start to push the boundaries of these rule systems.  And I would keep pushing and pushing until the rules weren’t there at all.  It seemed rational that certain situations would be outside of this structure for me to follow, and the more I believed it, the more it came true.

I tried reading books about personal organization, acting more professionally and performing to a higher standard, but none of it seemed to work.  I couldn’t find a happy medium between how I acted and how I wanted to act.  But one day, while I was waiting to pick my dog up from the vet, something in my head clicked.  It popped out of nowhere, but it seemed to be the most rational thought in the world.

When you change the way you think about things, the things you think about change.

I know that this phrase has probably been said before.  Hell, someone might have told it to me.  But in that moment, it set off a switch in my head.

I started to look at work as more of an enjoyable challenge than a necessity to life.  I began looking forward to new projects to focus on.  In short, I took my professional world more seriously, and blended my views of it with my personal one.  The disconnect between the two was gone.  And the results were amazing.

I didn’t need to plan and schedule my day to a particular regimen.  I didn’t need to do something that I felt wasn’t in my character to do.  I had made a bridge between the person I wanted to be at the office and the person I was away from it that was more conducive to both places.

The more you try to force out certain habits and practices, the harder it will be to actually do them.  Sometimes, you can just think up a way to fix them.  And sometimes, the solution can come out of nowhere.

But when you go from the person who shares stupid stuff online to the person who helped make the new product launch a success, the hows and whys don’t matter that much.