“About a month ago, I got a cactus, and a week later, it died. I got really depressed because I was like, damn, I am less nurturing than a desert.” -Demetri Martin
On the list of things that I don’t do very well, gardening and plant care is pretty high up there. I’m fine with animals (kept a goldfish I won at a carnival alive for over three years, plus my dog is in great health despite being the dog-years equivalent of Betty White’s older sister), but I just fail with plants.
I’ve tried everything from herbs (basil and thyme) to fruit (strawberries and oranges) to generic plants (ferns and assorted small succulents), but they all seem to die on me. Hell, the cacti I bought during college kicked the bucket when I forgot to turn off the heat to the apartment over Winter Break. And you only need to really check in on a cactus once a week.
So the problem turned into a question: is there any plant I can successfully not kill? And given that I wanted to spruce up my desk at work, is there any that would be fine getting fluorescent light and recycled air that I can successfully not kill?
Enter lucky bamboo.
It’s quite possibly the lowest-maintenance thing ever. No soil needed, water whenever the levels are low, and that’s it. So far, it’s been over three months, and it’s doing fine. So maybe it was a question of finding a plant that can keep up with my clumsy care versus trying to increase my horticultural abilities.
But seriously, I killed a friggin’ cactus. That might count as a demerit on my future application for a parenting license.
