My parents have owned their house for over fifteen years, yet every once in a while, we’ll get a call for some woman named Amanda M____, who seems to enjoy giving guys my parents’ number as her own personal rejection hotline. And while I can safely say that none of us have ever met Amanda, she’s provided us with some interesting stories.
- One guy called six times in one day, refusing to believe that Amanda had given him a fake number, thinking I was her brother or a jealous boyfriend. He finally quit when I farted into the receiver.
- Another guy kept asking for her, so my dad said he would get her. He then proceeded to lower his voice to a James Earl Jones- or Barry White-level and said, “This is Amanda.”
- One particular caller began monologuing about his feelings for her, and wouldn’t let me get a word in. I set the phone down and walked away. When I checked on it five minutes later, he was still talking. Had I not hung up, he might still be talking today.
While it’s funny to consider the experience of dealing with Amanda’s suitors, it also brings to mind a fairly common problem that many of us have: the blinders of romanticism.
When we’re starting out on a new path, be it a relationship, career opportunity, geographic move, or hobby, even the most pessimistic of us will spend some time thinking about the best-case scenario. Some people (myself included) will devote quite a bit of mental real estate to thinking about what might happen and how things could turn out.
Although it’s perfectly normal and healthy, the problem with romanticizing things is that those who do it wind up wasting a lot of time and ultimately fall victim to weltschmerz, no matter how good the real-life results have become. Heavy romantics always wind up disappointed, because the fantasy has overtaken reality too strongly.
And I think Amanda knows this, making her phone number trickery all the more devious.
The easiest fix would be to say “adjust your expectations,” but romanticizing is sometimes intrinsically tied to personalities or beliefs. Instead, it might be better to say, “go out and do what you can to make the platonic ideal of your situation a reality.” By making thought an actionable and tying the romantic into the actual results instead of leaving them to fantasize, they will usually become more pleased with the outcome.
Unless that outcome is calling a fake number and hearing some dude fart into the phone.
From my experience of being much more of a realist than a romantic, I tend to note that the “issue” for romantics is that reality never seems to live up to the fantasy they build up in their heads.
They fail to see the love in a simple gesture like picking up your favorite soda at the store because they are waiting for you to send their favorite flowers to the office.
Elisa, I agree that those who favor the large gesture tend to miss the smaller ones, or even worse, harp on any gestures until they lose their meaning. For people who romanticize, it seems like the illusion and the fantasy is more important than the reality and the end result of the action.
Of course, it’s much safer to go overboard; that way, you can blame the other person for not responding appropriately.