This is not a blog post about Charlie Sheen. It’s not about the man himself, his current media blitz, his living situation, or any personal or professional issues he may be facing right now. As someone who finds it impossible to understand the lifestyle of a second-generation famous actor and fantastically wealthy celebrity, I won’t profess to understand the the psychological underpinnings of what said upbringing and existence might be like. I could care less about his barrage of Internet meme-ready quotes or the bizarre stories about him that are coming out at a rapid clip, seemingly every hour.
No, this is about his philosophy, which, I must admit, is pretty good.
It first came to my attention that he was on to something when I read Tuesday’s PVP, an excellent webcomic from the esteemable Scott Kurtz. In the comic, one of the characters utters a line that struck me as one of the most sane things that I’d read in a long time:
“You gotta admit, it’s a solid philosophy. No matter how bad things get, just keep telling everyone you’re winning.”
Anyone who’s spent more than 10 minutes in conversation with me can attest to my pessimism. A friend once lovingly referred to my sense of humor (when I’m funny) as “self-deprecating to the level that it’s barely acceptable in polite company.” Also, work has been a little stressful lately. So, with those powers combined, I decided to try a new tactic: unbridled, unabashed, irony-free optimism for a week.
The plan is this: whether it’s spoken aloud or kept internally, I will attempt to restrict any negative thoughts, instead finding positive elements in even the most depressing situations. Not going to be able to get out of the office until late? That time carries over so I can leave early tomorrow! Come home to find my dog barfed on my sandals? They needed a good Febreeze-ing anyway! Someone cuts me off in traffic? Hey, there’s plenty of reasons that they might have done it!
I also found that uttering the phrase “Winning!” whenever I feel a bit put-upon helps; it’s impossible not to smile and realize that despite the temporary grievances that are going on around me, my life is pretty good. I might not have tiger blood in my veins, but I’m gainfully employed, healthy, and doing pretty well socially.
The biggest hurdle, though, isn’t even something I was conscious of until it had already happened: the negativity of gossip.
Spontaneous trait transference is a tricky piece of psychology, best described by Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project:
“People spontaneously and unintentionally associate what you say about the qualities of other people with the qualities of you yourself. So if I tell Jean that Pat is arrogant or stupid, unconsciously Jean will associate that quality with me. On the other hand, if I say that Pat is brilliant or hilarious, I’ll be linked to those qualities. Ever wondered why people want to kill the messenger who brings bad news? Trait transference”
The thing about spontaneous trait transference that I discovered today is that it works internally, too. Though I might feel some alleviation of stress by describing something that someone did that I didn’t appreciate in fairly colorful terms, I usually wind up feeling upset with myself for not confronting the actual person with the issue. Speaking negatively easily leads to thinking negatively, and it can infect one’s entire thought process and just make a mess of the day.
Emotions can’t be controlled at the flick of a switch, but they can be adjusted. Looking for the signs of onset grumpiness, pessimism or depression, like a change in heart rate, vocal tone, thought processes or demeanor can go a long way to heading off negativity at the pass. Simply recognizing these changes can be all that it takes to calm down.
I may never be a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars with fire-breathing fists, and I have no interest in melting my face off getting high on Charlie Sheen. But for today, and for the next week, I’ll be winning. And that’s a pretty good philosophy to live by.
