Needle, Meet Haystack

At the turn of the Willennium, there was a moderately okay movie involving a burned and disfigured fellow played by Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt playing some character or other, and that kid from The Sixth Sense playing a kid who gets stabbed at the end.  It was called Pay It Forward.  And while it wasn’t the best movie, or even a terribly memorable one, it had a pretty decent message.  In fact, I’d wager that the message was more important than the flick itself, which is why I don’t feel bad about not bracing you with a spoiler alert.

The message was pretty simple: do nice things for other people, and repay kindness done to you.  That’s it.  And yet, it seems almost revelatory.  How often are we caught up with our own business, our own little dramas, that we don’t reach out to do things for others?

The way I look at it, there are a few groups for which we all can affect change, besides ourselves:

• Familial – Family, friends, good acquaintances, and others who we know personally
• Societal/Social – Strangers and others who we do not know; larger groups or society as a whole
• Cultural – Perceptions, technology, or standard practices; the underlying communal experiences
• Natural – Nature, animals, and other members of the living, non-human delegation

The less connected we feel to one of these groups, the less likely we are to reach out and help.

It’s easy to say that you did something good for someone without following up on the consequences.  Maybe you gave a homeless person a dollar, or helped a co-worker pick up some papers that they had dropped.  Perhaps you ran some errands for an elderly relative, or donated some time to charity.  But as good as we may feel about doing these things, they still can fit within the “helping oneself” category.  We do them either because we feel it’s what we’re supposed to do, or we do them because the action makes us feel good.

So how can you really pay it forward?  How can you make an honest difference?

Try learning by example.  Do you remember when someone did something for you that changed your life?  Do you remember where you were, how you felt, and what you were doing?  Can you think of what they said, how they acted, and what it was that made that moment have resonance?   Maybe it was a random remark that made things click for you.  Maybe it was a small gesture of kindness at a moment when you needed it.  Or it could have been a harsh dose of reality to bring you back to your senses.  Or was it a physical thing, like a hug, a gift, or a trip?  There’s no set definition for what something is that can change a life for the better.

We never know when something we say or do will have a profound effect on others, whether they’re friends, family, co-workers or strangers.  It’s impossible to tell what words will echo throughout time and which ones will fade into nothing.  We may never find out how much impact we have on the lives of those around us.  All we can do is hope for the best, and do what we can.

How do you pay it forward?  Just live and lead by example, every day.  You didn’t need a spoiler warning to see that one coming.

“Oh, man, it’s definitely going to start raining now,” Aaron says to nobody in particular.

Aaron has a desk by a window, meaning that not only does he have a light source, but it’s natural light.  My cubicle has neither, which explains why I’ve been looking more pale than usual lately.  Aaron’s got seniority at the company over most of the department, so this tells me that I have to put in a good amount of time if I ever want to see the sun.  But at least his window only has a view of the parking lot, so it’s not that great.  ”The wind’s picking up too.” he adds before returning to whatever project he’s working on.

By the time I look out the window fifteen minutes later, I can see that things have picked up.  Bullets of water are crashing towards the ground, moving like a swarm of angry bees as trees, bushes, and the rest of the decorative outdoor plants in our office center are shaken left and right.  The sky bellows a deep boom that shakes the roof a bit, and the mid-afternoon sun has all but disappeared.  It is most definitely raining.  I think of all of those people who say that Arizona is a dry, desert wasteland and hope that their smug asses are somehow caught outside right now.

It lasts for about an hour, intermittently making the tap-tap-tap noises against the window that make it seem like there are several more employees in the office, and for some reason, they all use typewriters.  I don’t notice that it’s stopped, partially because I’m not near a window, and partially because my headphones are on, and I happen to be listening to a really good song.  So by the time I leave the office a few hours later, I’m surprised to see the giant puddles that have formed a moat around the parking lot.

Driving home, I notice a large number of trees that have been knocked over into the road, causing the traffic to slow down, even though it’s already piddling along at a snail’s pace due to several inches of dirty water under our wheels.  And then I think of the large, unsteady trees in my yard.  And the fact that my 13-year-old dog who hates storms is home alone.  And that the house is surrounded by trees.  And I want my car to sprout wings so I can get home quickly to see if she’s okay and to make sure that the house isn’t destroyed.

I finally make it home, and the house is in one piece.  Sure, there are a bunch of branches strewn all over our yard, the neighbors’ yards, the street, and the roof, but nothing is damaged.  Then, I walk in, greet my dog who probably didn’t even consider any of the mortal peril I feared she was in, and hear an odd sound coming from the den.  It sounds like wind.  Which is probably because the storm blew out the biggest window in the entire house.

Instantly, my brain kicks into recovery mode.  I cordon off the area to prevent pooch-related interference, assess the damage, and begin picking up glass shards.  I then realize I’ve cut my hands, so I go wash and dress the bleeding mess on my fingertips and find my work gloves.  The glass is all piled or bagged, and I go for the measuring tape.  The window frame is about 6 feet by 9 feet.  A quick trip to the local hardware store and ninety minutes’ worth of duct taping later, and the window is patched up.  Half a roll of paper towels later, and the floor is dry, most of the tiny glass surprises found and discarded to the trash.  Ten minutes of noting mentally to lift with my knees later, and all of the large branches are in a pile in the back yard.  And one early morning run time later,  and the house looks mostly back to normal.

Storms don’t care if you had planned to go for dinner with your best friends, or work on a project, or watch a movie.  Storms are ignorant of the age of the trees in your yard or the tiny cracks in your windows that you weren’t aware of.  Storms are indifferent about your feelings, your health, your passions, your friends and family, and your job.  Sometimes they’re metaphorical storms, like a personality or a project or a chore.  And sometimes they’re literally storms.  You might not know that they’re even present, but you will know when they have passed by.

So you can try to fight the against the rain and the thunder and the wind.  Or you can ignore it.  Or you can clean up after it and move on.

What will you do when the storm comes?

“I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles.” – Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

Do you remember being thrilled by the smallest things when you were a kid?  Like playing with the box your toys came in more than the toys themselves.  Maybe you just ran around in the backyard with imaginary friends.  Or maybe you turned an empty paper towel tube into a sword, telescope, cane, magic wand, or drumstick (with the help of a second tube, of course).  Perhaps you made up stories with your dolls or action figures, having Destro and the Shredder team up to fight Batman and He-Man.*  You were fascinated by anything and everything, eager to explore the world, whether that meant that the world was your bedroom, the backyard, your neighborhood, or somewhere entirely new.

So what happened?  As we grew older, cynicism and realism replaced curiosity and wonder.  We exchanged fascination for perspective, traded in joyful exuberance for haughty indifference.  Ask anyone to discuss something that they’re passionate about, and you might see a flicker of that old childhood happiness.

But for anyone who wants to recapture the spirit of youth, there are two choices: reversion or expansion.

Reversion is something that we’ve dealt with before in the form of revertigo.  But rather than just experiencing it with friends, we can experience it with things.  But I’m not talking about going out to get a DVD box set of an old cartoon favorite (He-Man kinda sucks in retrospect, fyi) – I’m talking about diving in headfirst, completely unironically, without the pretensions of “retro cool,” into something that you used to love.

I do this with comic books, in case you haven’t noticed (explicit examples can be found here, here and here, lesser examples here, here and to a lesser degree, here), and lemme tell ya – it works.  Every time I crack open a four-color adventure (or a black and white one, if you know what I mean), it returns me to the joyful escapist days of my youth.  And that infectious energy has at least a short-term transitive effect on whatever else I’m doing, be it blogging, working, making music, or relaxing.

But the problem with reversion is that the more you use it, the less potent it becomes.  So you might want to go the other way, with expansion.

While reversion is all about going back to how things were and reliving memories, expansion is all about trying new things and getting the feelings back.  And while it’s more effective and has a greater influence, it’s also riskier and has a larger chance of failure, especially since the results are not guaranteed in any capacity.

Here’s a couple of examples of how expansion works.  Since its triggers can be different for every person, these come from myself and some friends.

• Spend the entire day pretending to be a foreign tourist (complete with accent).  Do the things that you would normally do, but come up with a complete back-story, and stay in character at all times.
• Burst into song in public.  This works especially well if you have a cohort of friends, as you can harmonize.
• Try out something you always wanted to do.  This can be anything from having ice cream for breakfast to buying that toy you always wanted but never got.

Expansion is all about moving outside of your comfort zone, wish fulfillment, and experimentation.  One of the best examples I’ve seen recently is over at Sydney Owen’s blog, with her new love, skydiving.

Sydney started out talking a bit about having wanted to go skydiving, then having done it, then to talking about it with alarming frequency, to getting to the point where her passion for it has literally consumed her entire blog.  Her last month and a half’s worth of posts have only been about that subject.  And you can tell that she’s enraptured with it.  She’s found a new outlet that lets her recapture the feeling that so many of us struggle to find.

So if you’re looking for a bit of lost childhood, whether it’s due to a quarter-life crisis, a case of the mopeys, or just because, you’ve got some choices to make.  You can reconnect with your past self in ways that are familiar or brand new.  And while you don’t have to start reading comic books en masse or try jumping out of airplanes, you can probably find some way to make yourself smile.

Maybe you should try bubbles.

* Okay, I clearly have more experience with one side of that example than the other; sorry, ladies.

My parents have owned their house for over fifteen years, yet every once in a while, we’ll get a call for some woman named Amanda M____, who seems to enjoy giving guys my parents’ number as her own personal rejection hotline.  And while I can safely say that none of us have ever met Amanda, she’s provided us with some interesting stories.

• One guy called six times in one day, refusing to believe that Amanda had given him a fake number, thinking I was her brother or a jealous boyfriend.  He finally quit when I farted into the receiver.
• Another guy kept asking for her, so my dad said he would get her.  He then proceeded to lower his voice to a James Earl Jones- or Barry White-level and said, “This is Amanda.”
• One particular caller began monologuing about his feelings for her, and wouldn’t let me get a word in.  I set the phone down and walked away.  When I checked on it five minutes later, he was still talking.  Had I not hung up, he might still be talking today.

While it’s funny to consider the experience of dealing with Amanda’s suitors, it also brings to mind a fairly common problem that many of us have: the blinders of romanticism.

When we’re starting out on a new path, be it a relationship, career opportunity, geographic move, or hobby, even the most pessimistic of us will spend some time thinking about the best-case scenario.  Some people (myself included) will devote quite a bit of mental real estate to thinking about what might happen and how things could turn out.

Although it’s perfectly normal and healthy, the problem with romanticizing things is that those who do it wind up wasting a lot of time and ultimately fall victim to weltschmerz, no matter how good the real-life results have become.  Heavy romantics always wind up disappointed, because the fantasy has overtaken reality too strongly.

And I think Amanda knows this, making her phone number trickery all the more devious.

The easiest fix would be to say “adjust your expectations,” but romanticizing is sometimes intrinsically tied to personalities or beliefs.  Instead, it might be better to say, “go out and do what you can to make the platonic ideal of your situation a reality.”  By making thought an actionable and tying the romantic into the actual results instead of leaving them to fantasize, they will usually become more pleased with the outcome.

Unless that outcome is calling a fake number and hearing some dude fart into the phone.

Back in my high school days, I was surrounded by a lot of smart kids, and a few very clever cheaters.  And despite friendly appearances, we were all out for blood.  Tests, essays, presentations, labs…all of it was a competition for who could get the highest grade.  And if everyone sucked on one project, the teacher would usually grade on a curve (not a bell curve, but a point-adjusted curve from the highest-graded student’s paper), and that would smooth things over.

I remember one time, I came home with a midterm test.  ”How’d you do on it?” my dad asked.

“Well, I got a 70%, but that was bumped up to an A because everyone else did lousy on it too.”  I have to admit, I was feeling pretty proud of myself.

Dad shot me one of those ‘Dad’s not too happy’ looks.  ”So you got a C.”

“No, I told you, I got an A.”

“You got a 70%.  That’s a C.”

“Yeah, but the other kids-”

“I don’t care about the other kids.  I care about what you got.  If they weren’t there to mess up, you would have gotten a C.”

At the time, I thought he was being an ass.  But, following in the footsteps of my favorite Mark Twain quote, I’ve come to realize that he was right.

We’ll compare ourselves to anyone – co-workers, friends, family, former classmates, complete strangers – all in an effort to attempt to motivate ourselves, show off our accomplishments, or wallow in self-pity.  A neophyte blogger might try to compare himself to Guy Kawasaki or Gary Vaynerchuk.  An actress might compare herself to Catharine Hepburn or Julia Roberts.  And while I understand the need for motivation and a point of reference for self-direction, it’s a silly and ineffective practice.

And no one is immune, least of all, me.  You see, I recently compared myself with Justin Bieber.

And if you’re over the age of 16, I wouldn’t expect you to know who he is.  Hell, I didn’t know who he was.  I had to Google the guy just for this article.  But the whole rivalry came about when I was playing Tap Tap Revenge 3 on my iPod Touch (not iPhone) and a message popped up saying something like HERE IS A FREE SONG FOR YOU WITH THIS MOP-HEADED KID AND LUDACRIS.  PLAY IT AND BECOME MORE ADDICTED TO THIS GAME THAT YOU ARE PLAYING AT 3:30 AM WHEN YOU HAVE WORK TOMORROW.  And since Ludacris is the greatest thing to happen to music since the keytar, I got it and fired it right up.

So the first thing I noticed was that Justin Bieber sings like a kid who’s going through puberty.  Then I realized holy crap he’s barely a teenager. Then I realized that he already has probably made more money than most people ever see in their lives.  And he’s hanging out with Ludacris.  And he has a swagger coach.

I WANT TO HAVE AND/OR BE A SWAGGER COACH.  Also, I want to make a lot of money.

So I started thinking of how I could rise to a level of power and fame that would make Justin Bieber look like an insignificant speck when compared with my magnificence.  Then I started to realize that this kid is almost a decade younger than me and far more successful.  Then I realized that when I was 16, I could neither dance nor sing, much less simultaneously.

This went on for a while, until I realized that Justin Bieber and I will probably never meet, and while I’m sure he may be a charming young man (in spite of unintentionally inciting a riot – twice!), I have no real need to compete with him.  After all, it does nothing for me but distract me from my goals.

Now, at this point you might be wondering why the guy who said that you absolutely have to have an archenemy is preaching that comparing yourself with others is a bad idea.  Or you might be thinking that I’m a weirdo.  If it’s the former, we’ll get to that.  If it’s the latter, welcome to my blog.

The difference between comparing yourself with someone else and using an archenemy as a motivator is simple: a comparison is often goal-based, temporary, and situational; an archenemy is practically eternal.

We pick who we compare ourselves with based on the situation and criteria for success on individual tasks; a test, a presentation, a promotion, or some other activity with a set goal and end date.  As such, the use of comparisons is fleeting and burns out quickly.  If your motivation ends fast, then what will happen to your drive to excel when you’re working alone?  If you’re only as good as the person next to you, you will not be able to stand by yourself.

The nearsightedness of comparing yourself with others will also lead to warped expectations, beliefs, and self-concept.  In my Bieber-inspired madness, I lost sight of accomplishing much of anything and became more focused on what I could do to overpower a teenage pop star – never mind that I’m a twentysomething with no desire to sing and dance anywhere that doesn’t rhyme with “karaoke.”  I became too focused on my own limitations and past experiences that I failed to act on anything.

Having an archenemy, meanwhile, is a gold mine of motivation.  You don’t need to be in the same field, company, or even country as them to reap the same rewards.  Your goal is much longer-term: complete and utter defeat and humiliation of the archenemy through your success and excellence.  There’s no end date, no assignment, no short-term success.  You’re not creating a handicap to help you for one game; you’re creating a whole new playing style that will help you forever.

The realization that the comparisons prevented me from reaching my peak performance was what actually got me motivated, not the comparisons themselves.  Once I stopped worrying, I was able to start doing.

So whether you’re worried about your performance at work, your grades on a test, or even how you are in the sack, stop worrying about how you stack up compared to other people.  Just worry about how you do compared to yourself.  Or your archenemy.  But definitely not Justin Bieber.  He’s doing just fine.

Busywork.  We’ve all had to deal with this mind-numbing, soul-crushing, oft-ridiculed yet somehow essential task since our earliest school days (coloring, anyone?), and yet few ever learn how to master the most tedious of all tasks.  We sit in quiet servitude, procrastinating and hitting our heads against walls as we try to deal with the most boring of all possible workplace responsibilities.

Well, I love busy-work.  And it’s all because I’ve developed a number of strategies to deal with what most people see as an encumbrance to getting out of the office early, and made it fun.

Hogwash, you say?  Why not try out one of these tactics first and then decide for yourself…

1. Develop a story.  Yesterday, I was a spy who had to crack the code to fix a website that a fiendish villain (“Dr. Misalignment”) had mucked up in a plot for world domination.  I had to rescue hypnotized villagers whose confinement was making them ask questions on the support desk, and only answering the questions correctly would heal them.  By re-contextualizing your work into a more exciting story, you can increase productivity and focus, especially if you make accomplishing the task a part of the story.
2. Narrate in the third person (internally).  ”Andrew looked at the stack of unsorted invoices, noting that it would probably take an hour just to make sure they were all facing the same direction…” And so begins a tale I like to call, “Andrew and the Stack of Unsorted Invoices,” a story I continuously narrated within my head for one day at one of my old jobs.  By taking myself out of the situation (even though I was doing it), I was able to be more relaxed, and kept my focus on the work.  It was almost like listening to a book on tape!
3. Try to figure out a new method.  Sometimes, the way you do things, be it entering info into a database, making calls or organizing files, is done inefficiently simply because you haven’t tried to figure out a better way.  break your routine and experiment with other methods to increase your efficiency and effectiveness.  By breaking your usual patterns, you’ll approach the task like you were doing it for the first time.
4. Batch tasks.  I check work email no more than three times a day.  I check support tickets twice a day.  I call my boss as little as possible.  All of this eliminates the chance of distracting myself with other uncompleted tasks, and allows me to focus on what needs to be done.  Instead of worrying about what other stuff I can do to waste time, I get it all out of the way so I can put more focus on my essential responsibilities for work.
5. Make a game of it.  For every twenty emails I send, I get a point.  For every three points I get, I’m allowed one minute to just relax an air out my brain.  By setting up a basic reward structure for performing busywork, I have more incentive to get the work done.  I occasionally combine it with #1 when stronger motivation is called for.
6. Move around.  Our minds process time differently when we move around – going to another building, another floor, or even another room (or just outside) makes time seem to go faster.  If you can, change up where you work.  The new scenery will make anything you do there feel like new, and you’ll feel more accomplished once you’ve finished.
7. Un-partition the task.  Busywork can seem imposing because there can be several components that need to get done in a large quantity.  By condensing the work into its core elements, then batching them (see #4), you’ll be able to move through it quicker and with less stress.

It’s easy to get bogged down with a lot of work that seems frivolous.  But this work is often a necessary evil.  So try looking at it from a different perspective to keep your spirits up, and you’ll be done before you know it!

NOTE: Props for this post idea go to the ineffably awesome Mehnaz Thawer, who kicks butt on her blog, Strawberry Ghetto [EDIT: It's now Speak Softly and Carry a Red Pen].  You should totally check it out.

At one point during my unemployed days, I sent out over 150 applications over the course of two days, and didn’t receive a single offer for an interview.  Instead of curling up into a ball and sobbing naked whilst holding a teddy bear, I went back to the drawing board and continued to work on finding work.  Regardless of the circumstances, you can pick yourself back up – you don’t need to stay slumped over or admit defeat.  As corny as it is, even a little confidence and a positive self-concept can go a long way to keeping you from spiraling into depression or giving up.

The human brain is a funny thing.  Supposedly, it’s too big and powerful for our bodies to handle, which can cause chemical imbalances and psychological problems.  And yet, we’ve used our brains for thousands of years to evolve, create and explore our world in an almost entirely positive upward swing.  But that’s a whole other bag of chips that belongs on a blog about psychology or sociology or anthropology or something else that ends in -ology and has to do with brains and people (but not zombies).

We rationalize situations with 20-20 hindsight; we become workaholics; we ignore past experiences.  Our brains do all of this to make us move on, even if we don’t consciously acquiesce to it.  We may be rejected dozens or hundreds of times, but we get up and keep moving.  And if you have trouble getting past something, there are a few ways that you can strengthen your brain’s resilience to what is colloquially termed a “shit-storm.”  Here’s three of them:

• Find a new hobby – distraction allows your brain to focus on something else, which can have a calming effect and will help you move away from negative thoughts.
• Talk about it – vocalizing one’s concerns, instead of leaving them bottled-up and internalized, can lead to discovering a fresh perspective on getting over the issue, or even realizing how little it matters.  If you don’t feel like sharing with others, you can always find intelligent conversation by talking to yourself.
• Experience deliberate rejection – create a situation of little to no social or personal importance where you will be rejected outright.  Order spaghetti at McDonald’s.  Demand (politely) a “medium, not grande”-sized coffee at Starbucks.  Once you realize how unimportant it is for a situation to turn out your way, it’s easier to recover.

So things didn’t turn out the way you expected them to – that’s okay.  It may take time, but your brain will work to help you find the strength to move past whatever setbacks you’ve encountered.  It’s an amazing mechanism that can help you overcome the trials and tribulations of life, from the death of a loved one to a “no thank you” on an employment application to a rejection from a cute bartender.  If you trust yourself, and your brain, you’ll be able to overcome anything – it’s truly a wondrous device.

Why else do you think zombies find them so tasty?

“Do or do not, there is no try.” – Yoda, Star Wars, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

Now, that’s just a silly sentence.  It’s partially true, but it’s pretty incorrect.  I mean, you can’t DO anything until you make the conscious decision to attempt to do it.  That’s the very definition of trying.  You try, and wind up doing or not doing.  So there most definitely IS a try.

But the thing that Yoda was correct on is that considering things in the extreme form can help.

There’s the old cop movie cliché that the world isn’t just black and white – there are shades of gray.  And sure, even in either-or situations, there are usually more than two options.  But the more choices we have, the more our actions and decisions can become muddled.  Saying you want to do something, or that you plan to do it, or even that you might do it isn’t enough.  Like Nike says, just DO it.

The power of personal conviction and strong self-esteem is vital to success.  Whether you believe in self-fulfilling prophecies or not, there’s something to be said for going gung-ho with a concept.  If you’re already of the belief that something will happen, you’re more apt to take the steps necessary to make it a reality.  if you think something might happen, it isn’t as critical, nor does it seem more than an idea.  By going full-force, you turn a concept into something tangible, even if it hasn’t been accomplished.

So maybe what Yoda should have said is something more like, “Try all you want, but make sure that done, your task is.”

Chances are, you think that you have an archenemy.  In fact, you might think that you have several.  In the case of the former, you might be right.  But if the latter is the case, then you’re wrong; you have nemeses (that’s the plural of ‘nemesis’, apparently), but you don’t have an archenemy.  It’s a mistake that’s easy to make, but there are a number of distinctions, mostly related to how you feel about people in the different groups.  Here are some examples:

• A nemesis is someone you dislike immensely, but can still work with if you have to.  An archenemy is someone you hate with the passion of seven Hells, and would only work with if the entire planet was in peril, and even then, begrudgingly.
• A nemesis is someone you see as having redeeming qualities.  An archenemy is someone you see as the devil incarnate.
• A nemesis is someone you want to be better than or beat at something.  An archenemy is someone who you want to utterly destroy.
• If your nemesis died, you would attend their funeral and pay your respects.  If your archenemy died, you would (a) dance on their grave, (b) poop on their grave, (c) seduce their significant other on their grave, or (d) some combination of the above.

So those are the distinctions.  You can have many nemeses, but only one archenemy; however, one person can be the archenemy of multiple people.  For example, Batman is the archenemy of the Riddler, the Penguin, Mr. Freeze, Bane, and so on.  But Batman’s archenemy is the Joker – the rest are his nemeses.

You might think that, given all of the negativity involved, having an archenemy is a bad thing.  But there are many reasons why it’s not only practical, but also essential:

1. You’ll work harder.  Having an archenemy who can outclass and defeat you is a powerful motivator.  Your competitive drive will lead you to be more diligent on tasks that can push you towards success.
2. You’ll work smarter.  If you’re going to beat your archenemy, you’ll have to quantify your success to show how you beat them.  As such, you’ll be more careful about how you do things, and will put more thought into what projects and pursuits you take on the path to victory.
3. You’ll innovate.  Your archenemy will try to find creative ways to bring you down, so you need to create ways to deflect these potential threats.  To steal a quote from Francis Bacon: “There is something insane and self-contradictory in supposing that things that have never yet been done can be done except by means never tried.”
4. You’ll develop your personal brand.  To truly defeat your archenemy, you will need to get public support on your side.  By cultivating your personal brand to maximum efficiency and effectiveness, people will cheer when you finally bring them down.
5. You’ll learn from your mistakes.  If your archenemy tricks you or beats you at something, you will want to get back at them.  So you’ll analyze what happened, what you did wrong, and how to improve for next time.
6. Your focus will increase.  Whenever someone has a goal, be it a short- or long-term one, they begin to focus on how to complete their self-created mission.  By planning out your next steps, you will not only become more cautious and precise in your planning, but you will be more focused and dedicated to the task.
7. You won’t settle for less than perfection.   Since you’re working harder, smarter and more creatively, you’ll want your efforts to reflect your peak performance – after all, beating one’s archenemy at anything less than 100% isn’t a real victory.

When it comes to choosing an archenemy, it doesn’t have to be someone you interact with frequently.  They could be someone from your past who you haven’t talked to in years, or even a celebrity who irritates you to no end.  By building a comparative model for your success, you will become more motivated and dedicated to pursuing personal excellence.

Having an archenemy isn’t really about them.  It’s not about building up a Lex Luthor-like obsession with defeating someone else and doing horrible, destructive things to them.  It’s about bringing out your best performance and abilities to help you achieve more, both personally and professionally.  And hopefully, when you’re done, the archenemy won’t matter so much anymore.

NOTE: This post is inspired by a short essay by Chuck Klosterman, which you can read here.

Sorry, guys.  This post has nothing to do with Jon Stewart.

It has to do with road rage.

You see, I live in the city with the most red light-runners in the USA (though possibly the world).  Additionally, our traffic laws allow out-of-state transplants to get an Arizona license without retaking the exam, and our licenses last until the bearer turns 65.*  Plus, people are stupid when they drive.  I’m sorry if you disagree, but it’s a law of nature – everyone behind the wheel, no matter their experience or circumstances, is an idiot driver.  Hummer and Lexus owners doubly so.

As a result, I use a lot of creative gestures and obscenities.

A few months ago, I started using replacement words.  You remember those – it’s what your parents used before you discovered swear words.  Things like “fiddlesticks” or “shish kabob” or “pickle juice.”  So I began threatening to butter people in the ear and hug the caramel corn out of them.

One particular afternoon, when a marmalade-covered lima bean cut me off as I was merging onto the freeway, something just hit me.  I wasn’t getting as angry or violent about bad drivers; I was remaining much more calm and collected.  This led to a bigger realization.  One that we all know, but keep hidden from ourselves:

All emotions are internal.

Sure, we can blame external factors – the end of Brian’s Song, Eddie Murphy back when he was really Eddie Murphy, someone saying unkind things about one’s parentage – but most of the time, we choose how to react to them.  There is a conscious decision involved in determining how we treat each social situation, each conversation, each negotiation and each argument.

We decide how we want to be.

It can take a lot of concentration and focus at first.  It requires effort.  But becoming aware of one’s own responses can lead to quicker problem resolution, a more relaxed social atmosphere, and a safer driving experience.  All you need to do is take the first step of recognizing that you can choose how you want to react.

I suggest testing this out on the next few kumquat-eating wallaby-snatchers you meet on the road.

*When I get carded in other states, they think the date is a misprint or a fake.  And no, I have no idea why I don’t need to renew my license until then.