Needle, Meet Haystack

How many ways can you spell “Flavor Flav”?  Let’s find out…

I woke up last Sunday feeling truly awful.  I was expelling fluids and waste products through various orifices, and my nose was like a stuffed-up, yet somehow still gushing, faucet.  Since then, everything has downgraded to a case of the sniffles.

I decided to write a post called “What Being Sick Taught Me About Business,” until I realized that it really hasn’t.  I’m a location-independent worker, so my office is my laptop, which was 10 feet away from my hacking, wheezing body.  As you can imagine, I didn’t call in a sick day.  I have since wiped everything down with Lysol wipes though.  Twice.

Instead of going to the doctor, as a 20-something male, I chose instead to treat the symptoms with OTC medication (thanks, Walgreens!) and check out WebMD.  My problem with WebMD has been that no matter how specific I get with my symptoms and problem areas, it always gives me results that range from “light cough” to “certain death.”  Here’s the list from this time around:

• common cold
• acute sinusitis
• migraine headaches (adult)
• hay fever
• bronchitis
• chronic sinusitis
• indoor allergens
• tension headache
• allergic reaction
• nonallergic rhinitis
• nasal congestion
• cluster headache
• pneumonia
• dust exposure
• nearsightedness
• nasal polyps
• high blood pressure (hypertension)
• foreign object in the nose
• chemical pneumonia
• asthma (teen and adult)

So basically, I could have had the disease that killed George Washington (pneumonia), a severe allergic reaction, or something stuck up my nose.  And I should’ve been looking into buying facial tissues, antibiotics, low-grade steroids, or glasses.  Gee, thanks WebMD.

As a result of being not of the healthy persuasion, I stayed in and spent a lot of time online and watching TV, hence this week’s two current events-based posts.  But now that I’m lucid and no longer taking copious amounts of cold medicine, posts should be back on track.  But I must say, I learned something from this whole experience:

Don’t get sick.  It sucks.  And for the love of Gosh, don’t trust WebMD.

Social networking has changed modern society forever, for both good and bad.  While in the early days of the web, users hid behind the anonymity of a screen name in chat rooms, we now expose ourselves for all to see in our profiles, tweets and blogs.  As we move more and more into the interconnected world of the Interwebs, the rules of polite social contact have changed in the professional and personal worlds.  Here are some of the rules that will govern this brave new world:

• You are allowed to add someone to your network if you have had any form of communication with them, be it as a commenter on a blog, clan member in an MMO, message board buddy, or even in person.  You can add someone if you don’t know them, but you must initiate contact before doing so, introducing yourself and explain why you want to connect with them.  ”Lol ur hott” is not acceptable if you are over the age of 15.
• You cannot send a person more than two messages if they have not responded to you.  This includes messages of any type, from texts to emails to private messages and IMs.  After that, you will have to wait for a response, and if none is given, you cannot get angry with them.  This rule does not apply to emergency phone calls.
• If you have not had any sort of contact with another person for more than six weeks, you must initiate contact through either a generic greeting or a salutation pertaining to a recent event (birthday, holiday, etc.).
• You are under no obligation to attend events, join pages or add groups recommended to you by someone with whom you have not been in the physical presence of for over six months.
• If  invited to an event with an RSVP through the evite and are not excluded from attending based on the previous rule, respond in the affirmative or negative within three days of finding the message.  If you are unsure of whether you can attend, tell the person who invited you why.  This is the only way not answering or selecting “maybe” is permissible.
• If you are online friends with someone but have never met them in person, you must have had conversations over the course of sixty days adding up to a total of four non-consecutive hours.  Texting/IM conversations count for two-thirds of their overall time (due to time spent typing), while phone/voice chat/video chat conversations count for their full duration.  This rule does not apply for business-only relationships (ie: meetings, interviews, sales calls).
• You can start arguments with friends and family online, but as the content is put up on a public forum, others may use the materials in emails or on websites without legal repercussions.
• Similarly, any content you have chosen to put online may be used by your employer (or potential employer) as grounds for termination (or not hiring you).
• If you choose to add more people simply to increase your number of friends, contacts, followers, buddies or whatever the term used is, you are not allowed to send angry messages if they decide to unfriend you or not accept your friend request.
• If you make several lists/groups of people to sort out the statuses/tweets of those you want to read and those you don’t, it is not polite to tell people which group they are in.
• Just because you unfriend someone online doesn’t mean that you are no longer allowed to associate with them.  If they become upset with you over this, determine what steps you need to take to rebuild the burned bridge.
• You are limited to posting seven non-sequitur links to videos, pictures, articles and so on per week.  Any more than that and it just gets annoying.  ”Posting” in this case also refers to emailing or telling people to come to your workspace to see something.
• If any relatives closer to you than a third cousin join a social network and request to add you, you must accept their request (assuming that you have a good relationship with them).  Especially if it’s your parents.
• If someone has not accepted your friend/event/application/group request twice, you can no longer send them a request for that particular thing.
• Unless they bring it up, you cannot bring up any pictures, comments or posts that someone has made online when you are having an in-person discussion.  The rule is not applicable in cases of personal loss, the end of a relationship, or career news (positive or negative).
• If you have “Facebook stalked” someone and then meet them in person, you must pretend that you have never seen or heard of them before.
• People may mock you (online or in person) for any status updates or tweets that have to do with any non-exemplary activity that you make a note of (ie: waking up, going to the bathroom, eating lunch, going to sleep), unless there is something special about that activity (ie: waking up with $100 in your pocket, going to the bathroom in a celebrity’s house, eating lunch at a snazzy restaurant, going to sleep in a jail cell).

Some of these rules have been touched on in previous posts, seen here and here.  Are there some rules that should be in the new social contract that you don’t see on the list?  Mention ‘em in the comments!

Happy New Year!  Did you make your resolution?  Is it a good one?  Are you excited about all of the changes that will come to your life as a result of it?

Are you going to keep it?

Statistically speaking, you won’t.  But that’s fine – most people have a problem creating a sustainable resolution that they carry through each year.  Instead of easing ourselves into whatever the resolution is, we dive in headfirst, only to quit out when we realize exactly it is that we’ve committed to.

It’s never a good idea to do a crash diet right after new year’s in order to lose weight, not to mention that keeping the weight off is an endless journey in and of itself.  Quitting smoking cold turkey might work for a little while, but without a firm support system, it won’t last.  Gym memberships may peak in January, but most of them are cancelled by March.

So how do you make a resolution that actually works?  Here’s a few tips:

• Set a deadline. If there’s a definite start and end point for your goal, it’s easier to track progress and realize that the resolution is something tangible, not an open-ended pursuit.
• Start small. It’s easy to choose an overwhelming, lofty goal and then wind up being unable to accomplish it.  Focus on smaller, more manageable tasks – you’ll be able to get them done, and will be on your way to making the changes you want to make.
• Think it out. If you don’t have a plan for how to carry out your resolution, you’re not really doing anything.  Do some research and talk to people before you begin working towards your goal.  Having a plan of attack will make accomplishing your objectives much easier.
• Buddy up. If you have some form of accountability, like a friend with a similar resolution, you will be more motivated, and will have a stronger support system than going it alone.
• Make tangible benchmarks. If you can’t track your progress, how will you know if you’re doing anything positive?  Create smaller incentives and occasional check-ups to ensure your performance is going the way you want it to.

A lot of people make resolutions that they don’t end up keeping.  Many more don’t resolve to do anything at all.  But with a little determination and organization, you’ll be able to accomplish your goals.  So this year, resolve to keep your resolutions!

Hey kids!  Correlate the terms in the list with this post to make a fairly accurate guess at how many hits each post got from search terms!  It’s super fun!

Or, you know, laugh at misspellings and enjoy reading a list.

This list is based on the number of specific hits that each article got from links, search engine redirects, syndication on other sites and so on.  So without further ado, here are the top 10 posts of 2009 – with commentary!

1. Fail Your Way To Success! Written as a response to all of the “this is what you can learn from failure” articles people have been putting out recently, this post owes its status mostly to the term “Fail” becoming a complete sentence.
2. Body Language Basics: The Handshake An essential part of any job seeker’s repertoire, this post kicked off the “Body Language Basics” series.
3. Quick Sidenote This one was more of a joke than anything.  All I did was write a bunch of permutations on the phrase, “Mr. Potato Head” – that’s the official spelling and phrasing, by the way.
4. JTMSCBAKS: Restaurant Chef I don’t feel like typing out “Jobs That Might Seem Cool But Actually Kinda Suck” each time, hence the abbreviation.  This one was based on a chapter in the amazing book, Kitchen Confidential.
5. JTMSCBAKS: Astronaut This one was based on some reasoning I had for not following my second childhood career goal, as well as some articles I’d read on Gizmodo and Cracked.
6. How To Decide Whether You Should Take the Job I’d love to say that this one is due to a lot of job seekers finding the blog, but It’s probably here for the same reason as #3.
7. Flavor Flav and Your Job Search Part of Extended Metaphor Week, this just proves that even GI Joes can’t overcome giant clocks and viking hats.
8. Question of the Week: Optimal Submission Time This post answers one of the most common questions that I’ve received.  Hopefully, it’s saved a lot of people from applying for a job over a three-day weekend.
9. JTMSCBAKS: Haute Couture Fashion Designer Factor in that soon after this post, I had another one about dancers, and you’ll agree that June was probably the blog’s least manly month ever.
10. The Top 11 Options For The Jobless One of my favorite posts, and judging by all the traffic this blog gets for the term “hobo,” one of yours, too.

Man, I love end-of-the-year lists.  Music, movies, sports moments… anything in a listed format, really.  So here’s a little list for all of you – the Top 9 Blogs of 2009 (That Aren’t This One – because I’m modest), presented to in no particular order because they’re all awesome and the judging panel (me) couldn’t decide on the rankings.  So without further ado…the winners!

NOTE: The 10th blog is discussed in this post.

Life After College – As I said before in this post, Jenny Blake is one of the bloggers whose articles I read and think, why didn’t I come up with that? Chock-full of great advice, her blog offers excellent motivational tools that I have used and recommended to great success.  Plus, she’s spent time making some vital Office templates, which should be reason enough for you to check out her blog.

Recommended Posts: “Skills are Cheap, Passion is Priceless,” “Dating: Do you go for Quality or Quantity?”

Twitter: @Jenny_Blake

Corn on the Job – Rich DeMatteo writes so conversationally and enjoyably that before you know it, you’re reading through his entire blog archive.  Rich knows his audience of recruiters, HR, and job seekers well, crafting posts that can help you out regardless of what side of the employment table you’re on.  Also, he’s done an awesome job crafting his personal brand, something I’m pretty jealous of.

Recommended Posts: “You have an 8% chance of living, now what?,” ”Are you unemployed? Here’s 20 ways to become FUNemployed”

Twitter: @CornOnTheJob

Small Hands, Big Ideas – Man, I hate to use the word cute to describe anything, but that’s kind of the feeling I get from reading Grace Boyle’s awesome blog.  Maybe it’s the relaxing tone, comfortable word choice, or that she has a weekly feature called “Friday Linky Love,” but the whole thing is just cute.  But that shouldn’t distract you from her great posts that not only teach, but make you think.

Recommended Posts: “Humility In New Graduates and Not Letting Age or Experience Stand In Your Way,” “Asking For Help and Why I Struggle With It”

Twitter: @gracekboyle

From the Gen Y Perspective – I admit it, when I was looking for new blogs to read a couple months ago, I checked on Twitter to see if anyone was reposting stuff that I’d put up.  And I found Emily Jasper was giving me a few RTs, which led to my reading her blog.  She writes very clean and concisely, delivering great content in a tone that offers friendly tips and advice on a good range of personal and professional topics.

Recommended Posts: “Are We On the Road to Success?,” “Table For One”

Twitter: @EmilyJasper

Smile Like You Mean It – If I’m in the mood to look at pictures of pretty things, the first place I go is Caitlin McCabe’s blog.  If I’m in the mood to read thought-provoking articles, it’s also the first place I go.  With a combined art and writing aesthetic that makes me feel like one of the cool kids just by reading them, her posts are like sitting in an indie coffee shop while talking about social trends.

Recommended Posts: “Can Social Media Ruin my Relationship?,” “Blogging and the FTC…Making Sure We Know We’re NOT Celebrities”

Twitter: @caitlinmc

Weakonomics – Looking for interesting conversation topics at the next cocktail party, or simply want cold hard facts to back up your point of view?  Philip TW has you covered.  He answers a lot of social econ questions (my favorite kind of econ questions) that you’ve always thought about, but never really thought about, in a way that anyone can understand.

Recommended Posts: “The Economy and Your Fat @$$,” “Legalize and Tax Pot”

Twitter: @The_Weakonomist

Awesome & Unemployed – Jenny Blake recommended that I check out Stefanie’s blog, and I’m glad I did.  She has lots of great career search advice, is very thorough, and has examples that I’ve used to increase my success with applications and interviews.  And awesomeness.

Recommended Posts: “Walk in with more than your resume…,” “Value in Volunteering”

Twitter: @tiramisustef

Sydney: Unfiltered – Sydney Owen pulls of the whole “life experiences as lessons that we can all learn from” thing better than most any blogger out there.  While many bloggers try to find meaning in inconsequential events or over-personalize their posts, Sydney offers a clear and natural transition from the life of one to the lives of many.

Recommended Posts: “Don’t try to help Mr. ‘The-Rules-Don’t-Apply-To-Me’.,” “Be a duck.”

Twitter: @SydneyOwen

A.J. Bingham – A.J. does something that seems simple, but is almost impossible to find anywhere online: he offers succinct, complete, thought-provoking posts on a regular basis.  While it might take a lesser blogger dozens of paragraphs to reach their point, A.J. finds the core of an idea, gives it a new perspective, and delivers it without the fluff, still leaving the reader satisfied.

Recommended Posts: “Out of your comfort zone, no excuses.,” “Revisiting: Friendship is Valuable.”

Twitter: @AJ_Bingham

A big thanks to all of this year’s winners for their kind words and permission to mention them in this post on my li’l blog.  Now what are you waiting for?  Get reading!

Over the next week, most businesses will be closed.  This means that operations, including hiring, will be suspended.  So any applications you send in will not be seen until everyone’s back from the holiday break, a good reason to hold off sending anything.

So what can you do instead?  Well, you can:

• Tune up your resume and cover letter
• Backtrack over some job sites you may not have checked recently
• Look for jobs through other media
• Try some new things with social networks
• Make your job search a bit greener
• Work on your personal brand
• Network with new people
• Reconsider your options for work and life

So even if you can’t send in a job application (and that’s kind of frequent), there are still a lot of things you can do to keep your career search going.

Or you can relax and enjoy the holidays with your friends and family.  I won’t hold either choice against you.

According to Jeph Jaques, next week is an incredibly slow week for Internet traffic.  And since I’m operating under the somewhat informed assumption that the “week” will kick off tomorrow, on Christmas Eve, I wanted to share these stories with you now.

1. My religion doesn’t celebrate Christmas.  We have a different holiday, but it’s not really necessary to go into that.  Still, when I was younger, my parents acquiesced and had a tiny (fits-on-a-side-table tiny) Christmas tree around for me.  I went to the mall to see Santa.  And when I was 7, I told my dad that I heard (SPOILER ALERT!) Santa Claus wasn’t real.  He said to me one of the two greatest things I’ve ever heard In The History Of Parenting:

“If Santa Claus was real, he wouldn’t care what religion you are.  He’d only care if you’re a good person.”

2. Instead of making a New Year’s Resolution, I take a Christmas (or Winter Holiday) card and write it to myself to open the next year, with notes on what I hope to have accomplished by that time.  It’s a good way to judge progress, personal growth, and achievement of goals.  Last year, I asked myself to get a job (I did), exercise more (I did…for some of the year), learn some new technology stuff (I did), and do a few other things, which are in various stages of completion.  I also gave myself $5.  Past me rocks!

3. As I mentioned before, I’m not of a religion that celebrates Christmas.  During college as an RA, I was tasked with helping decorate the tree in the lobby.  One of the building’s residents, who I had previously talked to (and mentioned my religious affiliation to) asked me about the tree.  ”Do you need a hand with that?”  she asked.  ”It looks like you’ve never done this before.”

“I haven’t,” I replied.  ”My family never celebrated Christmas when I was growing up.  No tree, no lights, no presents…this is the first time that I’ve had to do this.”

“Oh my!  That’s terrible!”  she said.

I was able to string her along for 15 minutes before reminding her the reason I’d never decorated a Christmas tree.

The moral that follows all these stories is pretty much the same: just because you don’t celebrate something doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.  Just relax.  Enjoy the spirit of the holiday, and have a little fun while you’re at it.

Happy holidays everyone!

Failure and hapless mendicants still reign supreme!  On the rise: gestures of greeting and travel show personalities.

By the way,  I’ve been nominated for Brazen Careerist’s Best Blog Post of 2009!   [EDIT: Voting has ended.]