Needle, Meet Haystack

Wow.  100 posts.  That’s a lot.  Sure, some of them might not be about jobs, but that’s still a good number.  Or is it?  I mean, 100 is just as much of a number as 99 or 101…maybe there’s some undue emphasis on number milestones.

At one point in my job search, I sent out over 1,000 applications in the span of two months, with about 150 of them going out over the course of two days.  Although I got some responses, none of them were the magic job offer.

I know people who have had to look for a new careers for only three days before they got an offer.  Some others took around five months.

The truth is, the number of applications you’ve sent, the number of interview you’ve had, the number of months you’ve been looking…none of it really matters.  All you’re looking for is the one that gets you in the door.

And whether you’re on the side that’s counting the days since you started (and the hours till you can leave the office to go home) or on the side that’s counting the days since you last heard anything from a prospective employer, thanks for your support.  I hope that something on the blog has helped you with your job search or your current career.

And I promise I won’t put up anything like this again until there are 500 posts.

Yes, that’s right!  I’ve finally bowed down to the Internet Overlords and set up a twitter page, for tweets or twits or twots or whatever the kids call them.  There will be some bonus stuff, like links to interesting articles and all that.  But mostly it’s there so you can follow the blog and find out when new updates are posted.

And also, if you’re bored, you can go back and forth from the links on this page and the twitter page in an ouroboros of eternal page shifting.

Needle, Meet Haystack on Twitter!

As we’ve discussed before, sometimes you don’t get the best figures on the unemployment rate.  So even though the economy is showing some signs of recovery, it’s hard to tell how many people are looking for work.  When I started out after college, I didn’t have a job waiting for me, and now it seems that many of those who did have joined the unemployment statistic, especially over the past few months.  So if you’re on the job hunt, or know someone who is (you probably do), here are some tips that can really help.  And trust me, it’s not fun to learn these things through experience.

You have health care options.  Sure, there might be a national program at some point, but that isn’t an option now.  However, there are a few ways that you can still get good treatment without having an employer.

You don’t have to work for a company.  It’s good to know that there are other options than what you think you’re going to get, especially if you don’t get it right away.  Making back-up plans is never a bad idea.

You don’t have to take the first job you’re offered.  I went through some pretty bad interviews, even though I knew that they were not right for me.  I could have saved myself and my interviewers quite a bit of time by being more honest with them earlier on, and might have found the jobs that I eventually took sooner.

It’s important to plan out and develop a routine.  It’s vital to keep yourself from resting on your laurels and thinking that the job will come to you.  Unless you built a job-getting magnet.  In which case, I would like to borrow it.

Even your breaks need to be structured.  I would end up taking hours out of my day by not focusing well enough on the task at hand.  Until I learned how to take a better break.

You have to motivate yourself.  It can be hard to do, but if you break things down into steps that you can manage, it’s amazing how much more you can accomplish.

Make yourself an expert.  It might take some time, but it will make you a much more valuable asset to employers.

It’s okay to sell out.  Or be a job whore.  Really.

Take your time so you don’t go insane.  When your furniture starts talking to you and your name isn’t Pee Wee Herman, you need to relax a bit.

And if what you’re doing isn’t working out, try changing things (like with the job application diet).  If it didn’t work before, it won’t work now.

You know, now that I think about it, pretty much everything on this blog is something that I wish that someone had told me before I had to figure it out for myself…

So I was perusing my beloved A.V. Club when I saw, in the introduction to a piece on Ed TV (a second-rate Truman Show, if you ask me), when I came across this:

While channel-surfing a few days back, I encountered the surreal sight of an E! Entertainment News Special devoted to the ongoing national crisis that is the disintegration of Jon and Kate Gosselin’s marriage. The mouth-breathing sentient-mannequin-type hosting the special adopted a stern, concerned look she hoped would be mistaken for journalistic gravitas as she reported on the latest breaking news on the tortured couple behind Jon & Kate Plus 8. A rough patch in the marriage of a pair of reality stars on a second-rate basic-cable channel was being treated as the entertainment-news equivalent of the Cuban Missile Crisis, only more important, since children were involved. Oh, won’t someone think of the children!

And a bit further down:

I have never watched an episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8. My only exposure to it comes via clips on The Soup.

Sound familiar?*

*I won’t make a big thing of this unless it gets me extra page views or a job with the A.V. Club.  Otherwise, I call shenanigans!

Well, hypothetical audience, it had to happen sooner or later.

Despite the link from Michelle Malkin, despite the numerous mentions of Mr. Potato Head, and perhaps in spite of my best efforts, it’s finally time.  That’s right – I’m going to show you a cover letter that I’ve sent in for a job.  You can pass judgment on me!  Hooray!

Besides removing some contact info (and maybe a couple syntax changes), this is the letter I sent for an editorial internship with a fairly well-known humor site.  The only thing you really need to know is that one of the job requirements was that I “not [be] a loser” and that this was my third message on the subject (I’m persistent!).  Also, if you think I was robbed in not getting the position, send an email with the headline “Why didn’t you hire Andrew?” and a link to this post.

See you tomorrow for the blog’s one month-iversary!

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Subject:  Re: Editorial Intern

Dear Hiring Manager:

I know that we’ve grown apart recently, but I want you to know that I still think often of you and the posting for an editorial intern.

I can hardly believe it’s only been sixteen days since I first saw your posting and decided to submit my application. Sure, I knew you might have been looking at other applicants, but I felt that we were perfect for each other.

You were looking for someone with familiarity with computers and the Internet; I submitted my application online with a computer. You wanted me to be up-to-date on pop culture, so I willingly submitted myself to an onslaught of Gawker, CNN, Gizmodo and The Economist to make you happy. You wanted me to be willing to learn and work with a team in a fast paced and deadline driven environment. Sure, I thought that might be a little kinky at first, but I’ve warmed up to the idea.

But now, Hiring Manager, it seems like you don’t want me anymore. Was it because you wanted someone who wasn’t a loser, and all I could offer you was a constant reminder of “PS: I’m not a loser”? Was it my sense of humor? Was it my not telling you that I just launched my website a few days ago? I promise I was going to tell you about it…it’s just that it was the weekend, Hiring Manager!

I swear, those other job applications meant nothing to me.

Please, Hiring Manager, give me another chance. Take another look at my resume, for old times’ sake, and go ahead and visit my blog to check out some recent writing samples.

I’m still in the area, and I’d love to meet up for coffee or an interview. Please contact me so we can at least get some closure about this job. I know that if you give me a chance, you’ll agree that I’m the best candidate for the editorial internship.

Love,

Andrew

I’ve been checking on the stats of readership for the blog, and I’ve found that the most popular search term that leads people here is “Mr. Potato Head,” who was used as a metaphor in this post.  So:

Mr. Potato Head, Mr. Potato-Head, Mr. Potatohead, Mr Potato Head, Mr Potato-Head, Mr Potatohead, Mrpotatohead, Mr.Potatohead, Mr. Potatoe Head, Mr. Potatoe-Head, Mr. Potatoehead, Mr Potatoe Head, Mr Potatoe-Head, Mr Potatoehead, Mrpotatoehead, MrePotatoehead.And just in case: Mrs. Potato Head, Mrs. Potato-Head, Mrs. Potatohead, Mrs Potato Head, Mrs Potato-Head, Mrs Potatohead, Mrspotatohead, Mrs.Potatohead, Mrs. Potatoe Head, Mrs. Potatoe-Head, Mrs. Potatoehead, Mrs Potatoe Head, Mrs Potatoe-Head, Mrs Potatoehead, Mrspotatoehead, Mrs.Potatoehead.  Potato head, Potato-head, Potatohead, Potatoe head, Potatoe-head, Potatoehead, Potato heads, Potato-heads, Potatoheads, Potatoe heads, Potatoe-heads, Potatoeheads, Potato headed, Potato-headed, Potatoheaded, Potatoe headed, Potatoe-headed, Potatoeheaded.

That is all.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

A little over a year ago, I graduated from a Top-100 school with a decent degree, some good contacts, and a plan for a long and lucrative career.  Instead, I’ve spent most  of my time since graduation working contracts or freelancing, constantly in search of the elusive long-term job (and benefits).

This blog is here to help explain some of the mistakes I’ve made (so you don’t) and offer some suggestions on dealing with an uncertain future.  Whether you’re another job-seeker or one of the lucky ones behind a desk that just enjoys some good old schadenfreude, I hope that you’ll learn something.

And if you’re hiring, pick me!