Needle, Meet Haystack

I feel old.

Physically, I’m young.  But when I realize that the shows I loved as a kid are “retro” today, and that some of them haven’t been on the air for the past 15 years (except in syndication), I get the nagging urge to buy some ribbon candy and listen to old records on my gramophone.

It doesn’t help that one of the touchstones of the Saturday morning TV block (which doesn’t exist anymore, another sign of age) has been stirring up a lukewarm bit of controversy.  Or more precisely, Screech from Saved By The Bell is trying to ruin my childhood.

Dustin Diamond doesn’t have it out for me personally.  But when he decided to ditch out on the cast reunion, I had to wonder what’s changed for him.

In this 2002 interview, Diamond seemed to have made peace with his child star past.  But his attitudes in recent years have soured.  When he came to perform at my university in 2007, he became upset and enraged when people would shout out his character’s name or mention the show.  Then again, he’s gone on to follow the former child star path pretty well over the past few years (reality TV, adult film, tell-all book).

Whatever you may feel about his post-SBTB pursuits, Diamond’s actions are an exaggeration of a more common affliction found in those with a fear of being pigeonholed in a certain role, destined to only be remembered for one thing.  And while it’s important to have marketable skills, especially some sort of specialized ones, it’s vital that you not let yourself become defined by those skills.

Rather, you need to continue to cultivate and evolve your professional image and, if possible, continue on the successful path that you’ve started.  Your past experiences have helped shape who you are, but if you let them control you, for good or bad, you will never be able to move on to greater acclaim and success.

If you read Diamond’s old interview, it seemed that he was content with becoming well-known in the chess world and was happy to have the chance to establish himself musically.  Instead, he has chosen to regress to what made him popular in the worst way possible.  When dealing with your professional image and personal brand, you should only use your past as a springboard to the future, not a crutch to hamper your development.

If you want to see a positive example of reconciling your past with your current life and projects, take a look at what another Bayside alum did.

This might come as a surprise to you, especially given what I had to say about being a chef in this post, but I love Top Chef.  In my mind, it is the unquestionable epitome of reality TV competition shows.  And that’s for one simple reason: it’s a meritocracy.

Unlike other competitions shows like American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, and so on, popularity and personality play no part in the judging or ultimate winner.  And unlike contestant-driven shows like Project Runway, it’s really what the contestants (I won’t say ‘cheftestants’) are making that is the star of the show.  Sure, there’s strategic editing and characterizations of the competitors, but when it all comes down to it, the show is about the food.

In essence, Top Chef is the platonic ideal of a workplace, presented within a vacuum.

All contestants are judged on skill, not their ability to suck up.  They are all given the same conditions and circumstances to work under, and while some may flounder, others flourish.  There is no inequality in the Top Chef kitchen, besides that the judges seem to really like scallops, and custards never do well in quickfire challenges.

But the even playing field goes beyond the competition to the elimination.  Each of the contestants is allowed to plead their case, and more often than not, those who refuse to acknowledge their faults and what landed them in the bottom to begin with are kicked off.  Those who show a desire to improve are kept on, and in the case of a fully repentant (or oblivious) group, the judging is based objectively on their performance.  Or at least as objectively as one can judge food.

So what does the perfect workplace look like?  It’s a place where success is determined by hard work, and those who can’t deliver or refuse to admit their shortcomings are cast aside.  While there are egos, arguments, fights and scheming, all are irrelevant to the final results.  But while it’s fine to watch this on TV for an hour each week, could it work in the real world?

Today’s title might intrigue, mystify or confuse you.  But fear not!  All will be explained in this week’s Jobs That Might Seem Cool But Actually Kinda Suck!

The job: Professional TV Watcher

You might like this job if: You like watching TV.  A lot of TV.  Especially news or clip shows, as they’ll be the ones hiring you.

The good: You get paid to sit around and watch TV for hours at a time!  Who said that turning your brain into mush would never be a marketable skill!

The bad: Ever wonder how I Love the (Decade)s or The Soup or The Daily Show or most any show that uses clips get just the right part?  It’s by hiring a bunch of rubes to spend hours every day pouring over the minutiae of TV, making copious notes, getting timestamps, and so on.  Imagine watching CSPAN for 10 hours straight…and staying awake.  Not so fun now, is it?

Summary: The TV watcher is the second cousin of the video game tester: cool in theory, boring and tedious in practice.  Watch TV on your own schedule; you might not get paid for it, but you’ll enjoy it a lot more.

Rating: Three busted videocassettes out of five.

Cheesey smiles, buzzers and fabulous prizes, come on down!  You’re the next contestant on Jobs That Might Seem Cool But Actually Kinda Suck!

The job: Game show host

You might like this job if: You enjoy midday television, random trivia, giving people gifts, theme music and announcers.

The good: As a game show host, you get to be a constant in a sea of changing faces.  You will reign over your little corner of TV land (not TV Land the station, unless that’s the channel your show is on) and dole out cars, money and dinette sets only to those who are deserving.  Plus, they give you cards with the answers on them.

The bad: Routine, routine, routine.  The contestants and particulars might change, but you’re stuck doing the same old formula day in and day out.  Do you think that Alex Trebek isn’t sick of Potent Potables?  That Regis Philbin doesn’t want to ask people if that’s their final answer?  That Drew Carey has calculated the exact amount of intertia and force needed to land on the “100″ spot on the Price Is Right wheel?  You’ll have to put on a smiling face and show the same level of enthusiasm every day (at least 5 days a week) for a long time.  After all, game shows aren’t seasonal in the way that most TV programs are…

Summary: As long as you can drum up excitement and enthusiasm for the Plinko board every day for 30-odd years straight, you should be fine.  Otherwise, stick with being the banker the next time you play “Monopoly.”

Rating: Two trips to fabulous Hawaii out of five

So now that Extended Metaphor Week is coming to an end, I will leave you with one of the best examples I can think of that relates to your job search.  Of course, I also like trashy TV (less thinking that way), so that might have something to do with it.  So grab the remote, plant your behind on the couch, and get ready to watch some people not make friends.

VH1 is what I would consider one of the great empires of reality television.  Where their casting people find the contestants on their dating shows, I don’t know.  I think they’re grown in vats somewhere in Southern New Jersey, but that’s just a theory.  Regardless of their point of origin, it seems like everyone on every dating show, from Flavor of Love to Rock of Love to Real Chance of Love to Daisy of Love to For the Love of Ray J to I Love New York (notice a trend?) ends up falling into the same trap: a lack of self-awareness.

While it’s easy to understand that copious amounts of alcohol, producers interested in getting good plots from their “unscripted dramas,” clever editors and general silliness may be a large reason that many of these shows have less-than-realistic contestants, it is nonetheless a great way of looking at exaggerated human behavior.  One has to wonder how much those involved are attempting to create a character in the hopes of getting their own spin-off, or are looking for national exposure (many of them are invited to do personal appearances at clubs and bars after they are on these shows).  To paraphrase Chuck Klosterman, most of the drama on these shows would end almost immediately if one of those in the argument would say, “You’re just saying that because you know it’ll end up on TV.”

But putting aside an anthropological and socio-cultural analysis for a minute, we will focus on the point of this example: how it relates to the job search.

The way that many of the contestants get off on the wrong foot (and the way you can almost always determine the “winner”) is by the first impressions that they make with the star bachelor/ette.  Those who drink to excess or who seem too eager to please or too ready to be on TV will not last.  Those who conduct themselves in a dignified – or whatever passes for dignified in the world that these shows exist in – manner almost always win.  They make a positive first impression.

Breaking this down to its most essential elements, the key characteristic that they all have in common is made of two components: setting themselves apart and keeping something back.  While it may just be the editors’ work, it always seems that the eventual winner acts a bit more reserved, relaxed, comfortable, and normal than the rest of the contestants.  They let their personalities shine through, rather than adopting a cover to make them seem to be someone else.  Also, they don’t charge in with everything they have, be it a special talent, skill, or “other” thing.  They show these parts of themselves when prompted to do so, but do not force the issue.  Think of these as good job interviewing tactics.

When the shows are over, the contestants will now have a type of notoriety for being on the shows.  However, they will be known for their parts in edited conversations, key altercations, or some significant action that they performed while on the show.  As people tend to remember things in shorthand, you can use this to your advantage while writing a resume or cover letter.  By adding information (or presenting content) in a way that is different from other applicants, you are becoming more memorable to your potential interviewer.  As long as you make sure it’s for a good thing (an award, project, skill, etc.) as opposed to something negative (typos, curse words, impractical job experience, etc.), your odds of getting a callback will increase.

There are other lessons that the contestants (many through specific instances) on VH1 dating shows can teach you.  Perhaps we’ll go back to that topic at some point in the future.

And by the way, you should not try to get on these shows.  Especially I Love Money.  That show won’t help your job prospects at all.

I don’t know about you, but I love music videos.

The sets, the effects, the choreographed dancing, and sometimes the music, are great.  It’s like watching the last few minutes of a Bollywood movie without all that plot.  Plus, it can be very funny to watch some musicians “act” in them.

And I must admit, I was a fan of TRL back in the late 90s, though I stopped watching once I realized that most of the music I liked wouldn’t be played during that show.  But even still, it was nice to turn on MTV or one of its relatives, like MTV2 or VH1, or even an imitator like MuchMusic (now Fuse) and be able to listen to music whilst watching a video.

I turned on MTV the other week and was a bit surprised.

There was some sort of reality show thing playing during a peak time when there should have been some spray tanned, overly enthusiastic thirty-something host talking about pop records to an audience of screaming tweens and teens.  I mean, sure, I knew about Jackass and Viva La Bam and those shows in California and the rides being pimped and the spoiled little rich girl birthday party shows, but I always figured that there would still be music.

Apparently, I’ve been out of the loop for so long that the “M” of MTV no longer stands for anything.  But when I thought about it, that might be a good thing.

After all, the channel set itself up as the zeitgeist, the epicenter of pop culture, and the pulse of the youth of America (or something like it).  So in order to stay competitive and keep up with the trends, the channel had to evolve to changing tastes and trends.

I think you know where I’m going with this.

As was discussed in the last theme week, you need to change and adapt to the different audiences that your materials will go out to.  But you also need to adapt to the job market as a whole.

If you’re a younger person, you are now faced with competition from older, more experienced workers who are suddenly in the job pool, applying for the same positions that you are with much more refined resumes.  Like we discussed yesterday, a way you can circumvent this is to craft a specialty that sets you apart from others.  You may need to reinvent and reinvigorate your personal brand several times over to find what works best, but a strong competitive advantage WILL put you far ahead of the pack.

Similarly, older candidates will need something to set themselves apart besides experience.  Whether it’s showing that that experience comes with reinvigorating one’s knowledge by continuing education or certifications or by displaying a list of transferable and desirable skills, keeping current is a must.  It is unnecessary, however, to get plastic surgery.

So even though I’m apparently past my prime for the MTV crowd, I can appreciate what they’re doing.  And I can always watch VH1 classic.

In honor of birthdays and (more importantly) my most favorite food, today we’ll be talking about cake.  To paraphrase Greg Behrendt, just think about cake for a minute – it’s a miracle!  Honestly, if you don’t like cake, chances are that we are not friends.  Acquaintances, sure, but not friends.

Now, considering the new rush of cake-based TV in the form of Food Network’s Ace of Cakes (and all those cake challenges they have) and TLC’s Cake Boss, it’s an opportunity to look into the amazing world of cake.  So should you join in the fun?  Let’s find out…

The job: Cake Decorator

You might like this job if: You like cake.  And decorating.  Maybe you’re a fan of sculpture, or pastry, or fondant (whatever the hell that is), or you want a reality show.  Either way, your life should be consumed by cake.

The good: Cake!  How many ways can I friggin’ tell you?!  It’s cake!

The bad: You have to fill out some interesting requests.  Like this:

Or this:

And you have to be good.  It’s a lot of work to create some disposable art.  Plus you might not want to ever eat cake again.  And you have to admit, that might be the worst punishment of all.

Summary: Like cake and sculpting?  Enough to not eat cake ever again?  Okay with making some effed-up cakes?  If so, go for it!  Otherwise, just keep watching the Food Network and buying them.

Rating: Three Harry Potter Sorting Hat cakes out of five

Special thanks to my favorite cake blog, Cake Wrecks, for the awful cake pictures.

I swear, this won’t be another extended metaphor.

*Hold for applause*

Thanks.

Instead, this is about something a friend of mine said recently. He said that since he’s been out of work for months, what seems like his best bet would be to go full-force on trying to get on a reality TV show.  I don’t mean Who Wants to be a Millionaire (if that counts), an MTV dating show, or a makeover show.  He wants to go full-out, balls-to-the-wall, Survivor, Real World, Big Brother style.

Here’s why that’s a bad idea.

If you’re on a reality show where you are on for a season or more (The Hills, The Bachelor, Biggest Loser, etc.), you stop being a person and become a character.  You won’t be Steve or Jennifer, you’ll be “That Guy Who Slapped The Girl Who Had Lupus” or “The Girl With Fifteen Bellybutton Piercings.”  And trust me, that won’t help you in an interview.

If it was a competition, like So You Think You Can Dance or American Idol, that’s a spotlight on your talent, not your personality (to the degree you become one-dimensional).  The shows are more of a meritocracy, so if you have the talent, go for it!  Just make sure to read the small print on the contracts carefully.

If you happened to be on the Next bus, or your family was on Family Double Dare back in the day, that’s fine.  But don’t get caught in a situation where you get known by everyone for something that is definitely not you at your best.  If you’re in a situation where you can’t control how you will be perceived, tread with caution.

Especially if you were on Cops.  And not as a police officer.

So apparently a couple who decided to have a bunch of kids and prostitute themselves on basic cable are going through a rough patch, and it looks like they’ll be splitting up.

Oh, come on.  Did you really expect me to say something nice here?  I only watch the bits from The Soup and read occasional snarky comments about them.  Oh, and there was that one time when I was flipping channels and got the number for A&E confused with TLC.

Anyhoo, while this dissolution of the marriage is going to be bad for all involved (as most divorces are), there is good news!  The inevitable spin-offs, mass media blitz, book deals and so on will help to put all eight of their kids through college (if mom and dad don’t spend the cash on dueling tanks or other funky stuff).

So what does this have to do with looking for a job?

Well, sometimes you have to divorce yourself from a career path, some preconceived notions you may have had about a job, an old position, some of your references, or any of a number of other things that you may have grown reliant on or attached to.  But luckily, these things can be improved upon to help you on your path to a successful future.  Although you may be worried that changing what you’re familiar with will lead you to failure, you won’t know until you try.

And yes, I’m aware we’ve discussed this before.

The point is, if you’re in a bad environment, whether it’s personal, job-related or job search-related, you might need to distance yourself from it in order to make the best decisions about your future.  Regardless of whether you’re on a reality show or telecommuting, take note of how things are going on around you.  If you don’t like how your job search is going, change how you do it.  If you don’t like the responses (or lack of them) that you’re getting, change them.

And look on the bright side – it won’t cost you 8 kids’ worth of child support to do it.

I honestly don’t know.  I guess it depends on if they have TVs in the office, and what service or means of getting signals they use.  However, what it means to different people illustrates a good point about employers.

Before we go into that, a quick hi to anyone who stumbled across this site from the track back on Michelle Malkin’s site from yesterday’s post.  I swear, had I known I could do that, it would have happened much sooner.  I would have never posted about Mr. Potato Head.

ANYWAY, there are several reactions that seem to be the most prevalent:

- People who didn’t get a new TV or receiver and lost their signals

- People who DID get a new TV or  receiver and still have TV

- People who had cable or satellite and didn’t have to worry in the first place

- People without TVs

Each of these groups can offer some insight into different employee and company types.  Shall we investigate, hypothetical audience?  Sure, why not!

The people who didn’t upgrade their TV or get a receiver can actually be divided into two smaller groups: Luddites and naysayers.  The Luddites, who usually scorn any technology, do not want to move on.  Things will work the same as they always have, and adding new things only makes stuff more complicated, they say.  They are resistant to change, and do not like adapting, even if it’s the only way that they can keep getting TV.  The naysayers, meanwhile, figured that this would never happen.  The transition date will be pushed back forever, they say.  And in this economy, the president will stall it more.  While they might have various motivations for not wanting the change, they ignored foreshadowing and recommendations through the media, and were even granted extra time to adapt.  A refusal to believe that change will happen is almost worse than ignoring it.

Many people do this with work.  They do not bother to keep upgrading their skills.  They assume that they will always be qualified, believe that they are invaluable to their firm, or use excuses about external factors that prevent them from having the time to learn new things.  These people ultimately find themselves becoming outdated, though the speed at which this occurs can vary by industry.  Similarly, industries can ignore portents of change, and refuse to adapt, or do so incorrectly (ahem, newspapers, ahem).  By not keeping up with competitors’ actions and developments, (ahem, American auto industry, ahem), they fall behind to obsolescence and becoming footnotes in business school textbooks.

Then there are adapters who bought the new TVs or, well, adapters.  These are the people who saw the signs and made changes.  They still have their TV channels and can continue along swimmingly.  And if they acted early and got the converter when the government could afford the refund, they did not have to pay anything to keep up.

People who read trades, go to seminars, self-teach new technology, and sieze opportunities for development can become more valuable to their companies, and also gain a wider array of skills that makes them more marketable to employers.  Similarly, companies who innovate and learn from past mistakes (look at the new Windows 7 compared with Vista – Microsoft is making people happy again*).  These companies, at least for a while, experience longevity.

The last two are pretty much the same – no change happens either way, because they were not susceptable or not affected by the transition.  There is no way that this really can happen in any business, but they are groups that exist in the above extended metaphor.

Regardless of your grouping for TV reception preparedness, ask yourself which group you and (if applicable) your employer fall into.  Because when the “digital transition” happens at work, you’ll want to be prepared.

* I don’t have a specific link for this, so you can trust me on it or go to Gizmodo and read what they’re saying over there.